Session 6

This session was actually two weeks ago, I just never wrote about it. I kept thinking I needed to and didn't, so I kept a mental log of what I would say.

Going into the session, I didn't have much I wanted to cover. I was feeling pretty good, balanced, hadn't had flashbacks. The session was pretty chill, near the end I did finally talk about my worksafe injury and how I developed a dependency (addiction) to narcotics. I also shared that when I first had the miscarriage I was numb, and as soon as that feeling started wearing off, I was craving drugs. She asked what kept me from using and I said my awareness, plus I emailed her immediately and scheduled an appointment. It was a huge step in the right direction. 

I have a session starting in 8 minutes and the topic will definitely be this injury as this last week has been extremely triggering. My sister in law has a worksafe injury and I find myself getting angry and emotionally charged when I think about worksafe and what they put me through. How detrimental this injury is. Naturally the thoughts of the injury and worksafe make me think of Harley and that angers me so much. His abuse, control, and obvious drugging of me is so obvious now that it kills me that I didn't see it. I can recognize now that the weed we smoked was laced. At the time I knew it was too strong, I knew it didn't feel right, but I was also on my own pain meds... I should have recognized the withdrawal I experienced in between smoking. It's so angering. I'm more angry with him than myself, he took advantage of me and he knew it. He exploited me.