Series of triggers...
"I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell..." All I can do is listen to music right now to soothe myself. I am so angry inside, but it's been a series of events leading to my boiling point.
First, my biological mother comes knocking on my door Saturday morning (which immediately made my nerves shaky and my blood boil), and I shouted at her if she came back knocking on my door, I would call the cops for harassment!
Then at work, my first day back, I have to fucking deal with Ms. Sociopath. And since I hadn't quite dealt with my anger from the encounter with my "mother", I was already emotionally on edge. Seeing the slutbag makes me go into this attack mode, and I had to restrain myself from punching the whore right in the mouth every time she spoke. (I really wish she would just quit her fucking job so I wouldn't have to see her stupid ass anymore!)
And on top of that, I'm called to translate for a customer (which I fucking HATE!!!) When I get up to the courtesy desk, there stands this little old lady...and my EX BOYFRIEND! Turns out they didn't need my help once I got up there because he had helped her. (Now, this is the guy that once ripped my heart out and left me to die after I had given up everything for him...but that's in the past now.) I really would love to just tell him exactly what I think of him, but, to be honest, it's not worth it anymore. But it was a little shocking to see him, and it was like everything that hurt me in the past was presenting itself to me now. Little triggers here and there to make me boil over...
At the end of the day, my fiance pisses me off over some stupid bullshit, and I leave work feeling aggressive, angry, and almost psychotic. (Now, typing this I'm just laughing to myself because I'm now past the anger point to the "Jesus Christ! Is anyone else gonna fucking show up and piss me off?!) HAHAHA!!!!
And this is how I deal with my anger...lots of typing, loud music, and crazy girl laughter. Believe it or not, this has released a lot of tension in me and negativity. I feel a lot better right now.
I have gotten a lot better with my anger, but sometimes thoughts get too crowded in my head and my emotions are overwhelming. So, I just release the monster inside. And I'm okay with that. :)
First, my biological mother comes knocking on my door Saturday morning (which immediately made my nerves shaky and my blood boil), and I shouted at her if she came back knocking on my door, I would call the cops for harassment!
Then at work, my first day back, I have to fucking deal with Ms. Sociopath. And since I hadn't quite dealt with my anger from the encounter with my "mother", I was already emotionally on edge. Seeing the slutbag makes me go into this attack mode, and I had to restrain myself from punching the whore right in the mouth every time she spoke. (I really wish she would just quit her fucking job so I wouldn't have to see her stupid ass anymore!)
And on top of that, I'm called to translate for a customer (which I fucking HATE!!!) When I get up to the courtesy desk, there stands this little old lady...and my EX BOYFRIEND! Turns out they didn't need my help once I got up there because he had helped her. (Now, this is the guy that once ripped my heart out and left me to die after I had given up everything for him...but that's in the past now.) I really would love to just tell him exactly what I think of him, but, to be honest, it's not worth it anymore. But it was a little shocking to see him, and it was like everything that hurt me in the past was presenting itself to me now. Little triggers here and there to make me boil over...
At the end of the day, my fiance pisses me off over some stupid bullshit, and I leave work feeling aggressive, angry, and almost psychotic. (Now, typing this I'm just laughing to myself because I'm now past the anger point to the "Jesus Christ! Is anyone else gonna fucking show up and piss me off?!) HAHAHA!!!!
And this is how I deal with my anger...lots of typing, loud music, and crazy girl laughter. Believe it or not, this has released a lot of tension in me and negativity. I feel a lot better right now.
I have gotten a lot better with my anger, but sometimes thoughts get too crowded in my head and my emotions are overwhelming. So, I just release the monster inside. And I'm okay with that. :)
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