sept 13th cont'd

I was too late.  The police called my mom today and said they found my grandfather dead in his home today. 
So wrapped up in my own drama that I never even called him back myself when he called last week...I had my mom call to check on him.  I was at work and could not be bothered to pick up the phone since I could tell by his voice mail that he left me that he did not remember who he was calling. 
That's the kind of great person I am ...NOT!  I deserve to be alone.  I am alone because I do not put others first.  I am alone because people can tell I am defective..maybe I deserve to live in the manipulation of the alcoholic.  I allowed my misery of that drama to make sure that old man did not even get to hear my voice again before he died.