Scared and lonely
Everytime I think of all the memories Gene and I had together I block them out of my mind so as not to become overwhelmed by sadness and tears. Now I'm afraid of forgetting all the great times we had together. It will be two years on March 27th and the closer it gets the worse I feel. I guess anniversaries really are the hardest. And now I'm getting so lonely. I don't want to come home to this big empty house. But I also don't have the energy to get out and do anything either. I just feel so sad all the time and I don't know how to break free of it. Maybe it's time for a weekend trip somewhere quiet and peaceful where I can not feel so overwhelmed by all that needs to be done around here. I've been putting off the yard work for two weeks now and it really needs to get done. On top of all that I miss my mom. Every once in a while I think, Oh, I should give her a call and then I remember she's gone. How will I ever get through all this?
Replies
I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. I understand the pain that we go through without our spouse and to make it worse the fact that your mom is gone makes it worse for you. Take your time and the yard work can wait just relax take care of yourself. With the two year mark approaching the memories come back full force and the tears start rolling. In July I will be two years and it hurts so much because part of me is realizing that Carlos will never be back and from now on I have to face life without him. I need to make decision based on me and be strong to keep going. There are times I need a shoulder to lean on and arms to hug me and it hurts when I realize that I will never have him again. Nevertheless, I have to remember what Carlos was all about and regardless of all the health complications he had he wanted to life and he fought for him life and I need to do the same, so I keep going. Memories are what we have left and treasure them is all we can do. Take care and remember we are here for you. Hugs
Linda
You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for reading and commenting on my journal. I do need to remember that Gene would not want me to be so sad and morose. You are right, the yard work will still be there when I feel ready to handle it all. Love and peace to you, Carol
What has worked for me is to NOT fight the memories and the sadness and the tears but rather to let them roll through....I find that I waste so much energy fighting stuff but if I let it come then it does pass. Hang in there, God bless and I love you.