Scared and lonely

Everytime I think of all the memories Gene and I had together I block them out of my mind so as not to become overwhelmed by sadness and tears.  Now I'm afraid of forgetting all the great times we had together.  It will be two years on March 27th and the closer it gets the worse I feel.  I guess anniversaries really are the hardest.  And now I'm getting so lonely.  I don't want to come home to this big empty house.  But I also don't have the energy to get out and do anything either.  I just feel so sad all the time and I don't know how to break free of it.  Maybe it's time for a weekend trip somewhere quiet and peaceful where I can not feel so overwhelmed by all that needs to be done around here.  I've been putting off the yard work for two weeks now and it really needs to get done.  On top of all that I miss my mom.  Every once in a while I think, Oh, I should give her a call and then I remember she's gone.  How will I ever get through all this?