Scared
so I have a session with R today and I'm kinda scared of going. I mean I want to go but my paranoia levels are x10000. I can't stop thinking what if my parents see my car. What if they know I'm lying. I'm planning on telling her today that this is my last session most likely. I cannot handle doing the lying and being this paranoid on a weekly basis. Having it in the back of my mind that my dad will go insane if he finds out I'm going and not telling them. When I told them he went crazy. How do we not know? How are we hearing about this now? Bla bla bla. Yelling and going on about how no matter how old I am, I'm still their daughter and live under their roof etc and they should know about everything. No they shouldn't. They don't need to know everything. I'm not comfortable telling them anything anymore. Not even things I used consider telling them. They're clearly not the people I thiught they were.
A part of me wants to go and just say: "You asked me to tell you, so I am. I'm seeing a therapist. I'm going once a week. I never want to discuss it. Not why, not that I'm going, and certainly not what I discuss with her. Give me that privacy. Don't ask me questions. You want to know here you know." But that's not going to work. Their response will be that they need to know why, who I'm seeing, why I need to see someone and so on. And honestly all I want to say to them is I DONT WANT TO FUCKING TELL YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE FREAKING JUDGEMENTAL! But I can't. So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach things. I'm scared of going to the one person that can actually help me. So what now? How do I deal with it? I keep thinking going today is bad idea. If they know it's a disaster. His reaction the first time was bad so what would it be when he knows I hid it for a second time.
Once again, I'm scared of doing what's right or rather what's good for me.
Replies
Sorry your parents aren't being supportive of you. It helps me to do what I need to do whether my parents or anybody else likes it or not. It also helps to Focus on taking the first step I need to take and not worrying about whether I feel scared or not. The more I do that first step, it makes it easier to take the next step. Then I can build confidence that even if I feel afraid, it doesn't have to stop me. What does your therapist say about talking to your parents? How old are you? Hope you have a good therapy session. Wishing you all the best.
@Minidogs2 age is nothing more than a number here. I'm 24 but I also live in the Middle East where I'm not allowed to move out unless I'm married or living in a different country. Whatever my dad thinks is basically end of discussion unless I want to lose him. I mean not with everything obviously I still argue back on certain things and sometimes make my own decisions, but when he decides to get involved I'm kind of obligated to listen and do what he says. It's fucked up. I hate it.
I don't think it's any of your parent's business. I would continue to keep it a secret from them. You have the right to take care of yourself, mentally.
SO disagree!! Yes, it is their right to know. You need to share with them. But, you also need to tell them "You have raised me. You have done your best with what you had. I am now an adult. I should have rights, also. I have the right to make judgments about my own heath. This is Not rebellion against your authority. It is a result of how you taught me."
My biggest problem is he wants respect...but, he doesn't want to give it. This creates fear of him....not respect.
I will pray for you....and that he will understand your position!
Well mine is the same way. They want to know everytime I go to store and when it comesto docs there is a hatred because I went behind theyre back an sighed a paper that gave me all my rights to choose not to tell them anything medically and mentally. They think that just because Im crazy I can not be in charge of myself to put it shortly. If your over 18 then you should be able to do the same thing. Sigh one for every doc you see. And hospitals when they get you leveled off. Now this is gonna piss them off cerverally. But the truth is our minds are so vast they cant even begin to know what is in there. Know my mom has changed docs from hers that she has been seeing for like 20 years just to be able to go to mind and get the answers from my doc instead. They are always checking my calendar. Because I have found things that were put back in a different place. So the reason they check my calendar they have my door key and my fence lock and will Im at my docs they come in and search for my meds or any alcohol trases. I talked to my mom just yesterday and she ask me what # i give the doc for my pain level. But I know better I wasnt about to tell her that. She said ya know it has to be a high one but I also know if its to high then they will do what I dont need. My Dad wants AALL the control right down to waht I eatand mom is using her conniging waysto gt info as she always has. Sometimes the student gets smarter than the teacher ya know. I hope Im answering your question for one thing I have no idea what R means.