Saw My Rapist Today

I went to Walmart today and ended up by nails talking to a little old lady about different fake nails and the next thing I know that bastard I put in prison for ten years is walking toward me, as always I feel the need to double check my vision even though I know by the face and check for the tattoos.  I totally freaked out, after he got passed me I asked this little old woman to walk to the front of Walmart, I believe I said something like I know this will sound strange but can you please walk me quickly to the checkout.  I was visibly shaken up and tearing up so she did and along the way asked me if I was okay, I said NO, That man back there is the man I put in prison for 10 years.  She offered to stay with me, but I told her I would have Walmart take care of me.  They did a good job of it.  And the poor young man that walked me to my car practically got yelled at by the cashier that he damn well better protect me at all cost.  Am so god damned rattled though, really want to cut, know not to cut, but really want to.  It doesn't help that my sleep is all messed up due to my job.  I work nights and I have a daytime training tomorrow out of town after working a double yesterday.  So I have had like an hour and a half in the 30 hours or so.  Trying to make it till eight to take my meds and go to bed.  I know he is in the area and it isn't the first time I have run into him, but I think its the first time he recognized me, my face has thinned out over the last few years and I imagine that makes me look more like I did when I was younger, not that I aged badly anyway, most people have no Idea I am almost forty-two.  And now I am totally freaked out about training tomorrow.  That is all I need, more triggers to top off where I am already at.  I swear if I can just get through to Friday I will be okay.  At least I will be with supportive people if I crack tomorrow.  Its kinda what we do and four of us are going.  I have said it a million times since I started this job, it really sucks that I can't call the crises line cuz we are the crises line.  Ugh,,, just need to breathe.