Saturday

Getting ready now to go the market that comes here on Saturdays....all kinds of local artisans who make homemade cheese, juices, soap, kombucha....and all other concotions.  Gonna go in about 10 minutes and pick up my veggies, coffee and herbal juicies.  

grateful: i'm grateful for this house, that i don't have enough money in the bank that i don't have to to stress about payday (which is 3 days away!), i have a job, and i have a project i'm working on that gives me a sense of purpose

desire: i desire to stop eating so late at night and also to stop eating the *quantity* of food that i eat.  i exercise almost everday and eat mostly raw, vegan food.  in the past, when i first turned vegan, i got the skinniest i had ever been.  this is also when i was going to vinyasa flow classes twice regularly, doing meth sometimes (LOL), biking/walking everywhere and eating delicious california vegan food.  i felt great though.  my genetics err me on the side of pudge, and if i'm not super careful i am just naturally chubby.  i feel like i look like the girls in the paintings fromthe 1700s, not these GMO kylie jenner girls.  i need to really watch what i eat, but late at night i feel powerless to my hunger pangs....i mean, last night i made a miso soup with all kinds of greens, garlic, ginger, chili, curry paste and then some rice noodles....thats all well and good, but i ate a lot!  and now this morning i woke up feeling sick and nauseous, cause you know *they* say you shouldn't eat like 2 hours before bed, and if you are tyring to lose weight, it should be like 3 or 4 hours.  it's weird to be some compulsive with my habits...to conciously and repeatedly decide you don't want to do somethign but in the moment the desire for whatever it is overrides your previous thought processes.  "those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained".  fuck that, i want to be my own master.  i just need to lose 5 or 8 pounds and i would be happy.  i'm also bloated cause i'm on my period (TMI, sorry), but still, i feel icky.   so, this is something i want to change.  i might put a sign up on the fridge that lists the reasons to resist the late night urge.   i also need to stop eating coconuts everyday--i always buy a fresh coconut and dirnk the water and then i eat the meat too, and of course a littel bit is good for you, but a whole coconut everyday is a lot of fat......blah blah.  but seriously, i will feel so much better if i can just slim out that last little bit.  .....i was reading this article about how self-control is empathy for your future self: https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/12/self-control-is-just-empathy-with-a-future-you/509726/

brags: let's see, i actually cut a purse to make yesterday and put some work into my article.  still in my warm-up phase, but i can feel myself shifting that when i have downtime i gravitate toward my business project instead of doing something mindless.  

so, i'm going to the market right now and then i'm going to write my article and sew today.  maybe go to a coffee shop? also going to do a yoga class.  i went on a long hike yesterday, and it was nice.  i live at the base of a mountain and all the hiking around here is up hill, which is awesome!  i really get some cardio in.  :D  ok let me get ready for the market!  :)