Sat July 9th 2011

Saturday afternoon, another anxious day.  Went up to the Bay area so He could help a friend build a new fence.  Leaving me at their house while they work.  I guess just not enough to keep myself occupied and it is cool here on the coast.  Started out foggy and overcast although the sun broke through about 11 am.  I spent the morning researching a digital library that I want to be able to use.  None of the libraries in the valley have any electronic access but the overdrive network has the Northern California digital library.  Trying to figure out which libraries will let me get a card without living in that city.  I needed to have a utility bill with me to prove ca residency.  I guess I will get one next time. I was feeling sleepy after I had some lunch.
When I started to feel sleepy I actually allowed myself to take a nap.  I never nap.  It usually only reinforces the idea that something must be wrong with me if I can't stay awake.  I haven't been sleeping very well though so I thought...what the hell...I mean there's nothing wrong with taking a nap right?  Does not mean you are sick...or getting sick...right? BIG MISTAKE I woke up feeling just as tired but with a big dose of anxiety to go with it.  And how the hell can you be tired and anxious at the same time???  I have hardly been smoking at all...and I have had a lot less coffee than usual that why I feel so tired?  OK...time for my afternoon cup....(I am wondering if there is a coffee-a-holic anonymous group here...note to self to look it up later).  For a few minutes I had myself pretty panicked thinking maybe I really am getting sick...I'm such an idiot.  Do something, anything, get your mind off it and it begins to subside. 
It's 3:30 now...he is still not back yet and I have not heard from him at all.  Now, I am getting annoyed 'cause I just want to go home...Want to get on the road and head back to the valley where it will be warm.  I always have been a weenie in the cold.