Sat Aug 27, 2011

I actually feel pretty good this morning.  Maybe I got the whole anxiety attack out of the way on thurs. lol Sitting here hoping the sun comes out soon.  Feel like I can actually get my ass in gear and look forward to the day.  Since I am visiting in a different area I think I will see what shopping I can get done while I am here...we definitely have no shopping in the valley ugh.  Feeling kind of fiesty...maybe find a Barnes and noble and buy a colorful cover for my new nook. 
Hurricane Irene is hitting the East Coast...Jimmy if you read this I am thinking of you both and hope you are doing ok!
This last week has not been a good one for my relationship.  Found myself searching al anon quotes again.  Found a new message board...same exact feelings as me.  This is not unique to me...just how I choose to deal with it.
The person's question was "how do you know that you have had enough?"
I frequently wonder that myself so I started reading on...she says:
I just thought why does he not want to spend time with me, I spend way too much time alone. I refuse to feel like a victim. I am just tired and unmotivated.
Again, sounded realllly familiar...so I read on...
someone answered her with:
when do you know that you've had enough? It's hard to explain, but when you've finally had enough it will be clear to you and you'll know it. No doubts, second guessing, etc. - you just know. ¨..why does he not want to spend time with me¨ Because he would rather spend time with his alcohol. It's not a reflection on you - he is an alcoholic, he does what all alcoholics do - they drink. It is a disease and comes first with them before personal relationships or anything else. 
It is exactly what I struggle with daily. It is also so very true.  I have said many times that his true love is the silver bullet lol

Replies

justletmebe
justletmebe

I\'m glad you feel great this morning! You deserve the very best in life, you are such a good person!
1Patriciann
1Patriciann

YAY - for a good morning!!!

Shopping can be a fun time.

When it comes to behavior we all must own our own behavior along with the consequences of the behavior. Often what keeps addiction going is a \'co-dependent\' relationship with someone that, perhaps without realizing it, is \'enabling\' the behavior. Some alcoholics have their spouse call into their places of work and give an \'excuse\' to the boss as to why the \'alcoholic\' cannot come into work for that day. This is co-dependent/enabler behavior but everyone involved in the \'addiction\' will see it as only doing the \'loving/caring\' thing. WRONG!!! it keeps the alcoholic as well as the \'enabler\' SICK. When the alcoholic is too \'drunk\' or \'hung over\' to make it into work then they get to DEAL WITH IT and if this gets them fired from their job then so be it. If it means they become homeless - SO BE IT!!! When they \'hit bottom\' and can no longer afford the \'booze\' they will have to stop drinking as there will be no way to purchase the alcohol. Sadly, almost every alcoholic has at least one enabler. Well, most \'addicts\' have at least one enabler and the enabler is just as SICK as the drug addict they are enabling. Whenever there is the addict/enabler relationship then the recovery will usually have to wait until that relationship comes to an end and it is usually the result of the enabler reaching the \'end of their rope\' where they simply cannot survive as an enabler any longer. They either then leave the relationship or force the addict to own their own behavior as well as all of the \'nasty\' consequences of the addiction behavior. Some call it \'tough love\' but it is about all that works at forcing an addict to \'get clean and stay clean.\'

I hope all goes well with you.

:-) Patricia