Same as always
When you start to feel bad, and recognize that you are having an anxiety attack, you go through little stages:
First I try to talk myself out of having it.
Next, when that has failed I usually seek comfort from people in my life, I text my boyfriend, and tell him I'm having a bad one out of the blue. He has no idea how to help me, so he jokes and says i'm having it because I just realized I have to spend another evening with him. I know he's trying to be funny and get my mind off of it, but that never works.
Next, I go into my friend's office and try and discuss this as two people with highly analytical minds. She is buried in year end crap and I can tell she is distracted, so I feel bad and leave her to it.
Next, I jump on DS and journal and see if I can offer kindness to others. This has at least kept me a little busier as I am now alternating between finishing what I was working on, and also reading/writing on DS.
It's like I said before, in the end we are alone and no one can really help us fight it. This is I think where the line between anxiety and depression crosses. Knowing that there is no outside comfort, medication, or any other treatment that will magically take away that horrible feeling.
Have I progressed over the years? Yes, I guess so. In the beginning I literally carried around a barf bag and when the attacks were over I would be so exhausted I would curl up in a blanket and go to sleep (sitting up in the room with family and the tv on because I could not stand to be by myself at first).
Knowing this does not lessen the depression, anger, and helplessness that still comes with each episode. Medication has dampened the effects somewhat. Still, I refuse to hide from the monster. I feel like hiding it would only give it power. I just tell myself: Bring it on Bitch! and keep(mostly) doing what I am doing until it passes. Sometimes I will warn people around me though.... hey, I'm having an anxiety attack right now, so I apologize in advance if I am not very nice.
Still, I was in a good mood and planned on xmas shopping on my lunch hour before it began. Now, I don't feel very jolly and don't want to go out at lunch. Maybe I will still try anyway.
First I try to talk myself out of having it.
Next, when that has failed I usually seek comfort from people in my life, I text my boyfriend, and tell him I'm having a bad one out of the blue. He has no idea how to help me, so he jokes and says i'm having it because I just realized I have to spend another evening with him. I know he's trying to be funny and get my mind off of it, but that never works.
Next, I go into my friend's office and try and discuss this as two people with highly analytical minds. She is buried in year end crap and I can tell she is distracted, so I feel bad and leave her to it.
Next, I jump on DS and journal and see if I can offer kindness to others. This has at least kept me a little busier as I am now alternating between finishing what I was working on, and also reading/writing on DS.
It's like I said before, in the end we are alone and no one can really help us fight it. This is I think where the line between anxiety and depression crosses. Knowing that there is no outside comfort, medication, or any other treatment that will magically take away that horrible feeling.
Have I progressed over the years? Yes, I guess so. In the beginning I literally carried around a barf bag and when the attacks were over I would be so exhausted I would curl up in a blanket and go to sleep (sitting up in the room with family and the tv on because I could not stand to be by myself at first).
Knowing this does not lessen the depression, anger, and helplessness that still comes with each episode. Medication has dampened the effects somewhat. Still, I refuse to hide from the monster. I feel like hiding it would only give it power. I just tell myself: Bring it on Bitch! and keep(mostly) doing what I am doing until it passes. Sometimes I will warn people around me though.... hey, I'm having an anxiety attack right now, so I apologize in advance if I am not very nice.
Still, I was in a good mood and planned on xmas shopping on my lunch hour before it began. Now, I don't feel very jolly and don't want to go out at lunch. Maybe I will still try anyway.
Replies
In the group yoga healing , I just shared a thought on Love and now strongly feeling that, who understands own HAVES and NEEDS field properly, that person will feel less hollow and less of anxiety attack. A retrospection ...
What the heck!! I did not get any notice that you posted this journal update and just randomly checked after you posted to my journal update -- geeze, what is up with DS. ...and many others have posted journal updates that I did not receive any notice for. Urggg!! Sorry I missed this update -- and probably countless others from our support here on DS. What if someone is in crisis and DS is the only support they have? Oh my, this just is a pickle. Switching us to the new servers may solve this I hope. If you post in the future and I do not respond -- and you need some support just give me a shout out hug -- I seem to get update for those -- I hope I am anyway. Will have to check my settings too -- perhaps something has slipped up with those with all of these DS changes that have taken place.