rollercoasters-anxiety

It is the end of another up and down day...once again DS is not whole.  The anxiety that stayed thru the night has given way to the usual sadness that follows.  By beautiful Remi had to go to the vet.  Her usual vet was away so I got some guy who did now know us at all.  He seemed nice enough but it's not the same. At least my boss was in a pleasant mood and did not give me a hard time for being out most of the day.  In all the ups and downs for the day if not for my DS friends I would have been truly alone.  Despite the return of anxiety in the afternoon I managed to pull myself together enough to go to class.  My quiz from last week got returned today with a perfect score...so from being down and worried about Remi I got that bit of good news...cold again tonight..have to remember to start taking a jacket.  I got home to find him sleeping and my dinner in the microwave...it is only a little after nine.  I cannot help thinking that if he were not drinking he would be awake to share my good news of the quiz.  I know I should be grateful for the things he does...leaving me dinner..taking care of Remi while I am gone...but on the way home A song that I love came on the radio...Crazy Girl...Eli Young Band.  Hearing it makes me wish that he and I were close..and so armed with my good news and walking into the house to find him asleep..as usual...leaves me feeling empty.  My one best friend, My Remi is there to meet me and she seems better although her little nose and head are still hot.  The cats come running too but cats are so moody and independent.  Remi is always there. 
I remember now...I am the crazy girl.  That person I used to be is gone.  Anxiety will always return ...like being thrown off the ledge again and again.  This is my life...my pathetic existence.  Thinking of that song now though I decided to look up the video which I have never seen.  As I saw the girl with the straight jacket I started to laugh...now I have my own video..except she's a brunette. lmao.
http://www.cmt.com/videos/eli-young-band/688991/crazy-girl-live.jhtml?artist=1914333