Rollercoaster week of symptoms
This week has been a rollercoaster of a week. My chronic illness (I'm rounding 11 months now), REALLY kicked in by the beginning of the week. The out of breath feeling and cough/throat clearing was absolutely unreal by Wednesday. It was SUPER trying all week. By Thursday, I literally broke down a bit and just wept.
My physical symptoms seem to be linked to a overbearing sense of urgency/panic. The best that I can describe it is I can imagine this is how an asthmatic feels when they are having an asthma attack. Breathlessness, restriction in throat and panic. This, and an uncanny tickle in my throat that feels like I've inhaled THEE BIGGEST drag off of a cigar, and can't let it out. Think of a bronchitis throat tickle times one hundred. Creates panic. And anxiety. And an overwhelming feeling of exasperation from it all.
The third overwhelming symptom is a chronic throat-clearing/hack. It can happen every 3-4 minutes, but because I have finally realized it creates more inflation when I do it, I am constantly trying to hold it in. Which usually doesn't work, and when it does, well....go back to symptom 1 & 2. Anxiety follows.
All a vicious circle. And coming off of last week, where I had just had a five day stretch of feeling great, this week has been a tough one.
My positives for this week:
- I had a really great convo w a medical insurance call operator who was going through similar issues and shared with me her struggles in the same area. It was just nice to connect with someone that knows what you are going through. She also offered up some good leads.
- We have a family member coming to visit in a week in a half. That is always nice, as we live 3 hours from closest family, and have been in so much isolation lately. Having help with our son for even a day or two is a godsend.
- I had a really great phone call from a close friend and we've really been able to have "real talk" about life and goals and he has been inspiring.
- My son never fails to bring a smile to my face as he develops his keen little personality. We had a snow day yesterday and I was able to pull him around in the sled a bit and build his first snowman with him.
Although I don't know why God has chosen this path for me with some frustrating illnesses in my life, I am becoming better prepared for the low ends and have better honed my sense of faith with passivity. Humbly stepping aside and letting the path take shape has been very difficult at times. I have had my falls, no doubt. I am building that strength and faith that there will be growth in my current path and that it will all be in God's time.
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Thanks for sharing. I will be praying for you as you continue to work through this illness. Keep the faith and know that God is with us...always. I was talking with my wife the other day and I shared with her that I feel like, during this season, I have not heard from God. She shared that there are many people who feel that way. All we can do is just sit in His presence, wait and just do the right next thing that is in front of us. When you have a moment, read Psalm 27. One of my favorite chapters! If you are like me, I just want to go back to feeling the way I use to before all of this craziness!! Remember....He is our refuge and strength....
One of the best gifts I got was when my throat relaxed enough during an anxiety attack that I could feel the difference. It surprised me. Then, it happened again, and finally, after several more times, the muscle has finally released to where it's no longer happening.
That holding it in...when it happens now, I can feel it, so I do the breathing and the movement of the neck.
Here's hoping you find the release and the relaxation of that sensation.
You are not alone.
Thank you for the support, my friends.
@Mid my thought is, I am dealing with post-viral, onset vagal neuropathy and LPR (silent reflux) at the same time. Ive had 10 months to research it, and eliminate things, as I've waded through medical professionals in my area and all the "darts" they've tried to throw at an unknown target. The disconnect from Covid has made this journey unbelievably drug out.
The anxiety comes from a sense of panic and weakness I get with breathlessness, coughing and globus sensation when symptoms are bad, and then it triggers my G.A.D. and it often all starts spiraling. Generally, if my symptoms arent extreme, I do pretty well with mental excercises to keep my mind in check.
@Scotty
I have fallen on God's mercy, and I start each day with something to strengthen that faith in his plan for me. David crying out to God in Psalms has been a tether for me multiple times in my struggles. Thank you for reccomendation in reading.
Thank you both. Prayers out to you today.