Retreat!!!
All set for the retreat!!! So happy and looking forward to meeting more sisters and seeing those I have already met. I just can't wait!!!
Had a sad day yesterday. Went back to my hometown to see my family doctor. So many memories...I rarely go back to our old stomping grounds, knowing how painful it will be. I had my husband drive me simply because I was afraid of losing control of my emotions and not being able to safely drive home. I have not been to our old house since I lost Cassi. My husband took care of everything involved to get it sold and our new house is an hour and a couple of towns away.
The hardest part??? And I know this will resonate with soo many moms...the grocery store. She almost always went shopping with me at least once a week. I see her everywhere I look, I see the products I would buy for her everywhere I look. I was sad, quiet and thoughtful, however it went better than I had expected it to. Time has moved on for everyone else except me. My memories of her are of all of her ages combined as though I am looking through special "Mom" goggles that allow me to see my child simultaneously as five years old, fifteen years old, twenty years old. At 22, seeing her asleep I still saw the face of my infant, Baby Cassi.
In Geneva yesterday, is the dance school where she took her ballet lessons, the daycare centers where I would drop her off before work and leave crying just as hard has she was. There are the baseball fields at the city park where she played tee-ball and moved up in classes until she was a teenager...the gym where she practiced for the city league basketball team she played for. The Movie Gallery (closed down) where we always rented movies and Subway, next door, where we bought our food afterwards. The Chinese restaurant (she always loved Chinese)...small things made huge once she was gone.
She was special...my Cassi...so special.
Had a sad day yesterday. Went back to my hometown to see my family doctor. So many memories...I rarely go back to our old stomping grounds, knowing how painful it will be. I had my husband drive me simply because I was afraid of losing control of my emotions and not being able to safely drive home. I have not been to our old house since I lost Cassi. My husband took care of everything involved to get it sold and our new house is an hour and a couple of towns away.
The hardest part??? And I know this will resonate with soo many moms...the grocery store. She almost always went shopping with me at least once a week. I see her everywhere I look, I see the products I would buy for her everywhere I look. I was sad, quiet and thoughtful, however it went better than I had expected it to. Time has moved on for everyone else except me. My memories of her are of all of her ages combined as though I am looking through special "Mom" goggles that allow me to see my child simultaneously as five years old, fifteen years old, twenty years old. At 22, seeing her asleep I still saw the face of my infant, Baby Cassi.
In Geneva yesterday, is the dance school where she took her ballet lessons, the daycare centers where I would drop her off before work and leave crying just as hard has she was. There are the baseball fields at the city park where she played tee-ball and moved up in classes until she was a teenager...the gym where she practiced for the city league basketball team she played for. The Movie Gallery (closed down) where we always rented movies and Subway, next door, where we bought our food afterwards. The Chinese restaurant (she always loved Chinese)...small things made huge once she was gone.
She was special...my Cassi...so special.
Replies
Yes, I understand the feeling and the missing when being in those places we shared with our children. I still feel a stab in my heart with certain memories. I\'ve accepted that this will always be the case no matter how much time passes. We will always miss our beloved children that are no longer earth side.
I hope you are doing okay. I so look forward to meeting you at our upcoming retreat. I know it will be awesome and memorable as always.
Love and tight hugs,
Diane