Remission?
I am in that space between BPD and CFS that feels like .. Remission? Very tired so no analysis now, simply recording.
i think stress kicked me right out of my BPD upswing. How do i know? Well, I'm sleeping. With BPD insomnia is an issue, with CFS its hypersomnia. Now i think am sleeping normally for someone recovering from major surgery.
Am also not wired. The constant strung out feeling is not there, the inability to sit still, the need to be doing something, the constant non-stop humming of the brain. Am now able to simply relax, watch tv and read.
i also do not having the bursts of creativity which come with BPD. I love them but rest is ok too. So am out of the bpd zone but not in the cfs zone. Byeah!! What does that feel like..
i am not in pain. Am weaning myself off the post surgery painkillers and am dealing with soreness from the surgery and some pain in the abdomen which i am watching, so i am experiencing pain, but not the generalized joint/muscle pain that i associate with cfs.
i am very tired and being tired my analytical skills are not strong, but i am not experiencing brain fog. Its a subtle distinction, but i can feel the difference.
i can read again.OMG. i just finished" angels and demons" by Dan Brown which is a wild rollercoaster adveture through art history and religion. Brilliantly written, thoroughly researched and I understood every page of it. (If you love reading and appreciate genius, this is a must read) What a thrill to be able to read a full length novel again. I have devoured several novels from my bookshelf over the last few days.
i am tired but not crashed. Again a subtle distinction but i feel the difference very clearly. I cant do much before i have to rest, i spend most of the day in bed, but i dont feel the least bit sick. How do i describe what is missing? I cant, i just know i dont feel sick.
iam also not anxious, i have a lot to worry about right now, back to school details to tend to, preparing for reentry into the real world. over the fast few weeks we have been plagued by frequentpower outages. Annoying because am trapped at home and also am very hot a lot of the time (hot flashes?). But i've dealt with the annoyances with unusual equanimity. I have also slept with no tv to calm my brain.
i am really tired, sleeping a lot,not returning calls not much in the mood for talking. But i am not depressed or sad or stressed.
so am i in the place others call normal? Or am i simply in the process of cycling between two abnormal states? Too soon to tell.
i am however, grateful.
i think stress kicked me right out of my BPD upswing. How do i know? Well, I'm sleeping. With BPD insomnia is an issue, with CFS its hypersomnia. Now i think am sleeping normally for someone recovering from major surgery.
Am also not wired. The constant strung out feeling is not there, the inability to sit still, the need to be doing something, the constant non-stop humming of the brain. Am now able to simply relax, watch tv and read.
i also do not having the bursts of creativity which come with BPD. I love them but rest is ok too. So am out of the bpd zone but not in the cfs zone. Byeah!! What does that feel like..
i am not in pain. Am weaning myself off the post surgery painkillers and am dealing with soreness from the surgery and some pain in the abdomen which i am watching, so i am experiencing pain, but not the generalized joint/muscle pain that i associate with cfs.
i am very tired and being tired my analytical skills are not strong, but i am not experiencing brain fog. Its a subtle distinction, but i can feel the difference.
i can read again.OMG. i just finished" angels and demons" by Dan Brown which is a wild rollercoaster adveture through art history and religion. Brilliantly written, thoroughly researched and I understood every page of it. (If you love reading and appreciate genius, this is a must read) What a thrill to be able to read a full length novel again. I have devoured several novels from my bookshelf over the last few days.
i am tired but not crashed. Again a subtle distinction but i feel the difference very clearly. I cant do much before i have to rest, i spend most of the day in bed, but i dont feel the least bit sick. How do i describe what is missing? I cant, i just know i dont feel sick.
iam also not anxious, i have a lot to worry about right now, back to school details to tend to, preparing for reentry into the real world. over the fast few weeks we have been plagued by frequentpower outages. Annoying because am trapped at home and also am very hot a lot of the time (hot flashes?). But i've dealt with the annoyances with unusual equanimity. I have also slept with no tv to calm my brain.
i am really tired, sleeping a lot,not returning calls not much in the mood for talking. But i am not depressed or sad or stressed.
so am i in the place others call normal? Or am i simply in the process of cycling between two abnormal states? Too soon to tell.
i am however, grateful.
Replies
I think I get this, Max. The CFS is the slam you into bed illness. The BPD illness ramps you up, revs you up, keeps you from sleeping....there\'s good in that, and bad in that. So where you are right now, is in \"the middle\" with the two illnesses, not experiencing the WORST symptoms of either!
RIGHT? I think I get it. You did an awesome job of describing how you are feeling and not feeling. You write very well. So your skills on that end are spot on!!
It sounds remission-like to me. Meaning.....you are somewhere that you recognize and \"comfortable\" considering the roller coaster that is CVS/BPD. I\'m SO happy for you.
May it last!! xox
i get what you\'re saying about the subtle distinctions.......with multiple conditions it can vary by small degrees and yet make a vast difference in our skillsets, functionality...........it\'s awesome that you can read right now when it is so important for you to rest with your feet up a great deal of the time........i\'ve been trying to sleep more without the tv on in the background,don\'t always succeed but i\'ve been trying to make conscious decision to limit the stuff going into my brain during sleep as well as limiting the ambient light from the tv.........not sure if i used the word ambient correctly.
i am all over the place.....one day semi doing pretty good and then two upside down days..........body is very confused about my decision to sleep and can\'t seem to take a hint ..........regular sleep for longperiods of time seems to be a very evasive monkey playing in the trees and vines above my bed............hugs, small steps towards recovery...........want u to heal right the first time. hugggity hug hug!
That\'s good news . Don\'t even try ro analyze it, just enjoy the peaceful, relaxed feeling.Who knows, maybe you will just recover, your life changed, no cfs anymore.Man that sure sounds good to me.If that happens I\'m moving to Jamaica, for some magic Jamaican healing.Oh dear, been in this room too long, maybe going a bit nutty.Hello, anyone out there.Hugs to ya xoxo
Max, savor every moment of peace that you have right now. I think you\'re creativity will come back. I know the BPD is a permanent thing. But this mysterious CFS: No one can explain from where or why it attacks us, or even what it is. Morebooks developed CFS after a minor surgery. Wouldn\'t it be great if this surgery causes the CFS to vacate your body??? We always have hope!