Regressing
The eating disorder thoughts are starting to come back and I'm so sad. I'm sad because I can once again feel myself losing who I truly am. I had almost 2,000 calories yesterday and I feels so guilty and disgusting. It's 5pm now and I'm just now eating for the first time today. My friend convinced me to get a Reece's milk shake with her which is about 800 calories...ugh so much. I had a cup of coffee with it too but that ends up only being about 5 calories with the milk in it. I wish I could throw up the milkshake but I have a fear of throwing up. Even when I do eat it's never healthy foods which is causing me to have vitamin deficiencies. I hate that I'm doing this to my body. But I guess recovery always has its ups and downs right?
Replies
Wow it's crazy reading this because I relate 100% and I've always thought I was alone. I miss so sorry the thoughts are coming back, you're not alone in this though and it's okay if you have a bad day. The dune will rise and we will try again. :) you deserve to take care of yourself
Thank you so much! It's so like relieving and validating knowing that I'm not alone. I'm so sorry you deal with the same thing cause I know how awful it is and wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. But you are right the sun will rise and we deserve to take care of ourselves :)