Realizing I'm addicted to food, too
I've spent a lot of time in my lifetime beating myself up. Feeling guilty. Feeling like I'm not living up to my potential. Not professionally or physically or in any of the ways I've wanted to.
I envisioned myself in my early 30's as a happily married professional with a six-figure salary, a professional job and a company on the side that would eventually become my full-time job, a luxury and elegant and modern and beautiful apartment in the city, and all of the amenities I could want. I didn't want for it to built on sticks, either -- I wanted to be able to afford it all comfortably and easily, without question.
I'm now 30 years old. I am engaged, getting married later this year. I do not have a six-figure salary, I have a full-time job running my own company, my apartment is in the city but not luxe or elegant or modern, and I certainly do not have all of the amenities I could want. I don't have a lot of money in the bank, either.
I know my potential, but I also know I haven't lived up to it. And that can be discouraging.
But I also know I have a lot of life left to live.
I also know that building up the six-figure salary without having the right foundation under it is heading for disaster. I made more money a few years ago and still managed to blow it all, because I was addicted to gambling and dining out. I realize that now.
I don't know why I get so hooked on things. But I also know that I have to stop all of the habits that aren't serving me. Gambling was costing me thousands of dollars of my salary each year. Dining out was costing me thousands too, plus sluggishness, fatigue, a loss of self-esteem from weight gain, and opportunity costs with time away from work to go dine out instead.
Maybe I've just been disappointed that adulthood wasn't as exciting or thrilling or enjoyable as I thought it would be when I was a very intense child/teenager. Facing up to reality, especially without distractions like food and gambling and shopping, is very humbling and sobering. I understand now why people turn to religion so often.
I'm going to have to start getting my life satisfaction from other, simpler things, like enjoying the feeling of doing my best work. Enjoying the process, slow as it can be. Enjoying peace, love, inner contentment, true joy, self-satisfaction from a job well done, encouragement, enthusiasm, gratitude. Simpler things. Knowing that I'm showing up as the best version of myself everyday. Rather than trying to take satisfaction from a three-course pasta dinner, a night at the casino, a luxury apartment, a new Mercedes, or a Prada wallet.
This is like doing a 180. I'm trying to just change one habit every 3 weeks:
06/24/2015 -- Going without the casino. Toughest thing I've ever done.07/14/2015 -- Going without fried food, fast food, and junk food.08/05/2015 -- Getting up at 5 AM everyday and exercising.08/26/2015 -- Working at least 8 hours everyday, even when I don't feel like it.
I envisioned myself in my early 30's as a happily married professional with a six-figure salary, a professional job and a company on the side that would eventually become my full-time job, a luxury and elegant and modern and beautiful apartment in the city, and all of the amenities I could want. I didn't want for it to built on sticks, either -- I wanted to be able to afford it all comfortably and easily, without question.
I'm now 30 years old. I am engaged, getting married later this year. I do not have a six-figure salary, I have a full-time job running my own company, my apartment is in the city but not luxe or elegant or modern, and I certainly do not have all of the amenities I could want. I don't have a lot of money in the bank, either.
I know my potential, but I also know I haven't lived up to it. And that can be discouraging.
But I also know I have a lot of life left to live.
I also know that building up the six-figure salary without having the right foundation under it is heading for disaster. I made more money a few years ago and still managed to blow it all, because I was addicted to gambling and dining out. I realize that now.
I don't know why I get so hooked on things. But I also know that I have to stop all of the habits that aren't serving me. Gambling was costing me thousands of dollars of my salary each year. Dining out was costing me thousands too, plus sluggishness, fatigue, a loss of self-esteem from weight gain, and opportunity costs with time away from work to go dine out instead.
Maybe I've just been disappointed that adulthood wasn't as exciting or thrilling or enjoyable as I thought it would be when I was a very intense child/teenager. Facing up to reality, especially without distractions like food and gambling and shopping, is very humbling and sobering. I understand now why people turn to religion so often.
I'm going to have to start getting my life satisfaction from other, simpler things, like enjoying the feeling of doing my best work. Enjoying the process, slow as it can be. Enjoying peace, love, inner contentment, true joy, self-satisfaction from a job well done, encouragement, enthusiasm, gratitude. Simpler things. Knowing that I'm showing up as the best version of myself everyday. Rather than trying to take satisfaction from a three-course pasta dinner, a night at the casino, a luxury apartment, a new Mercedes, or a Prada wallet.
This is like doing a 180. I'm trying to just change one habit every 3 weeks:
06/24/2015 -- Going without the casino. Toughest thing I've ever done.07/14/2015 -- Going without fried food, fast food, and junk food.08/05/2015 -- Getting up at 5 AM everyday and exercising.08/26/2015 -- Working at least 8 hours everyday, even when I don't feel like it.
Replies
Slow down there girl, gambling free, will force you to find somethine to do, which should be exercising - i wouldnt worry about food/5 am
just walk in the park and calm down and see the world and how wonderful it can be in the quiet then create small steps
best to you :)
@itsjustmeagain -- You\'re probably right. I want to add in habits gradually, so I was thinking every three weeks would be useful. But getting up at 5 AM to do so may be extreme. Maybe just adding \"exercise\" into the mix is enough for now.
Thank you.