Read a new book
I have been reading a new book called "My First Christmas" by Cat Gray. I kept seeing posts about it over and over again on my Facebook feed so I ordered it. I do recommend it, but you need to be in the right state of mind to read it. I myself have not read the whole thing and it is a very small book.
Be advised, it is very, very raw...but she spoke to the me that I was in those first few months and made me feel like I was not the only one so close to the edge. When I write I expose my whole heart, all of my emotions spill out and they are intense. So reading her book has been helpful and not so for me. The deep, raw blackest grief reminds me of how far I have come and it also seems like she is writing with my own words, my own feelings. However, it does trigger a lot of feelings...but triggers can come from anywhere and any time.
The most helpful part of the book is her chapters on saving her surviving 2 children. Though I don't have more children, I can certainly understand the massive responsibility a grieving mother has to help her children through the nightmare. She has step by step ideas that could truly minimize the turmoil her children are left to experience and makes the point that it is your responsibility as a mother to do what you can for them. I suppose instead of always regretting not having more children I can see that through my process I have been able to be very selfish with my grief, being responsible only for myself. She also explains how empty she feels, missing her child, and that there is always the feeling of something missing, no matter how many other children you have. They are all special and if I had had 10 children I know I would have been absolutely smitten with each one.
I love passing on information about books I have found helpful, just remember this one can take you back down to your knees but then gives good common sense advice about how to find the new normal that you are to become.
Be advised, it is very, very raw...but she spoke to the me that I was in those first few months and made me feel like I was not the only one so close to the edge. When I write I expose my whole heart, all of my emotions spill out and they are intense. So reading her book has been helpful and not so for me. The deep, raw blackest grief reminds me of how far I have come and it also seems like she is writing with my own words, my own feelings. However, it does trigger a lot of feelings...but triggers can come from anywhere and any time.
The most helpful part of the book is her chapters on saving her surviving 2 children. Though I don't have more children, I can certainly understand the massive responsibility a grieving mother has to help her children through the nightmare. She has step by step ideas that could truly minimize the turmoil her children are left to experience and makes the point that it is your responsibility as a mother to do what you can for them. I suppose instead of always regretting not having more children I can see that through my process I have been able to be very selfish with my grief, being responsible only for myself. She also explains how empty she feels, missing her child, and that there is always the feeling of something missing, no matter how many other children you have. They are all special and if I had had 10 children I know I would have been absolutely smitten with each one.
I love passing on information about books I have found helpful, just remember this one can take you back down to your knees but then gives good common sense advice about how to find the new normal that you are to become.
Replies
It sounds like a powerful book that I\'d like to read. Will see if I can find it.
I have to get this book. All that I can say is that my feelings for Jesse are about Jesse and Justin for Justin. I have been in grief a long time since 2000 when I lost Jesse and back in that shock again in 2011 and grief over Justin. Both kids are two different ones and now I really don\'t have any more, but I have my niece here and her kids, and one in CT. They are not my own but I did raise one. XOX DEBBI
I appreciate always knowing what is helping another on this path. Reading is one of my healing tools because so often an author can touch on something, reframe it in ways that I had not thought of.
For me with our daughter, Sarah, I had to put on my own oxygen mask and take care of myself first before I could even begin to be with her in ways needed. I lost my brother so I had a window into how this felt for me and what I needed her to know was that she was not invisible, that all of my focus was not going to be on my own grief and sorrow forever, yet it was for now what it was. I know she was terrified watching what the loss did to my husband and to me and wondering if she might lose us as well? I felt stretched in a million directions and yet, all I wanted to do was to roll up into the tiniest of balls and cocoon, away from all the harshness of life. Somehow we moved through it and still are as it\'s a life long dance that we cannot \"sit out.\"
I will look into this book and thank you for the recommendation, Gina.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
That sounds like a wonderful book for moms early in the process - those who are having the same thoughts. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, Gina...It sounds like I need to revist this space...coming on ten years really is zapping my reserves...but at least I know that i will come back from the edge of the pit...that in itself is reassuring...i always feared that i would just fall and never return...thanks so much for the recommendation.
AnnM
Gina, thank you for recommending this book. I am going to look into it too. It\'s all so very true about the difficulty and challenge with grief when there are other children in the family. My younger two daughters suffered terribly and expressed their depression and anxiety in different ways, one with alcohol addiction and the youngest with school truancy. She eventually had to go into a partial hospitalization program and home tutoring in order to graduate high school. It was a very grueling, painful and stressful time.
I am so grateful that we seemed to have made it through the darkest of very dark times. My daughter, Laura, is going on 2 years sober. and my youngest Amber graduated high school, took a few college courses and is now working.
But to this day, we miss Jared with our whole being and we always will. There will always be the void in my heart that only his earthly presence can fill. But we can live with this.
Thank you again for all your very insightful writings.
Love and tight hugs,
Diane
Thanks for sharing that - I am going to look in the library for it. Joanna x
Thanks Gina.....love to hear of a book that has been of benefit to another mom..((((hugs))) Vicki