Reaching Out
Here I am again, reaching out, hoping for a branch to hold on to...I guess it keeps me humble, there are times I feel so strong, like I have it figured out, I will be okay...then I fall down. I am down.
Gosh, I miss her. I think if I could just see her, just one more time...not a sign, not a feeling, but her, my baby, maybe I could come to terms with this, maybe...
I keep having this visual, the moment it happened. It is my imagination, as I never saw her that way. They wouldn't let me. But I see it in my minds eye, over and over again and I wonder, haven't I suffered enough??? Why is my mind doing this to me???
I keep gaining weight, becoming more and more miserable. My joints hurt so bad. I search the web and think I may have lupus and hope with all my heart I do so that I would really know my time here would be shorter than it might be otherwise. I am so ready to go I am hoping for a terminal illness to strike me down, I fear only the physical pain but no pain could compare to the pain of living without my precious baby.
Gosh, I miss her. I think if I could just see her, just one more time...not a sign, not a feeling, but her, my baby, maybe I could come to terms with this, maybe...
I keep having this visual, the moment it happened. It is my imagination, as I never saw her that way. They wouldn't let me. But I see it in my minds eye, over and over again and I wonder, haven't I suffered enough??? Why is my mind doing this to me???
I keep gaining weight, becoming more and more miserable. My joints hurt so bad. I search the web and think I may have lupus and hope with all my heart I do so that I would really know my time here would be shorter than it might be otherwise. I am so ready to go I am hoping for a terminal illness to strike me down, I fear only the physical pain but no pain could compare to the pain of living without my precious baby.
Replies
Understand completely...nothing I can add to the above comments. We have all been there...just remember your feeling are yours to have and that is ok... take care of yourself - you are A LOT stronger than you give yourself credit for. Hugs, Ann
I am sorry it has taken me so long to get to this journal. Like Ann, I can\'t think of anything else to add. Just know I understand and care.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
Just want you to know I\'m with you...nothing new to say that the other sisters haven\'t said...it sucks....it hurts....I understand. .hugs to you...Vicki
All of the wise words above from our sisters also brings me support and comfort knowing that we are not alone on this really difficult journey.
Sending you tight hugs!
Diane
I understand also, we all do. I feel if I saw Mike just one more time I would start my grief journey all over again. It is a hard path, I do not want to deal with that at all.
Sending tight hugs
Penny