Pre-session thoughts

Apparently I didn't write after my session 2 weeks ago... Not sure if I even wrote before it. In the last session I identified being triggered in session, and spoke about my dad's heart attack and how it impacted our relationship. It was horribly emotional, I honestly couldn't contain myself. I'm beginning to realize that the emotion comes from a place of extraordinary gratitude for his life being saved, but is compounded and contradicted by an extreme sense of disappointment for the lack of relationship we now have. Realizing that these two pieces join together to create a hurricane of emotion was really helpful for me to understand and tolerate the emotions. 

Recently I've been missing my mom, to an extraordinary degree. I had a dream about her last night, as if she was still alive today, and we had a conversation. It wasn't anything spectacular, but waking up and remembering it didn't happen and that she's dead was really hard. It's hard to know that the one parent who was so invested and so attached is gone, and the surviving one may as well be with the level of detachment that exists.