Rant about religion:p
i am tired and my patience is being challenged with the monastic
crowd. specifically with the presiding priests. they treat us like shit and then
they just marvel and the exquisiteness of their beings- they complement each
other back and forth - one 'moved himself to tears' today (the bishop) during
the ceremony. Another long day of services - 5 hours no breaks. It's awful.
I have to ask myself about what they're all about here - and yes it is safety
for the anxious soul - and I know I have been allowed to stay here -
but I thinking now that I might very well move if I can.
I know I am just very tired and irritated. They're all sniping each other
and not holding back - toxic!
I thought about how I am very good at creating something out of nothing -
but not very good at texts and academics like these monastics are -
Frankly my achievement will be transitioning that power to create
unique stuff and then working at the logistics (my challenge) to get it distributed.
I was starting to judge those who are good at working within the system of rules
and such - but I won't - we all have different strengths and powers.
I am tired and it was a bitter feeling today - grateful so grateful to be back in my room
with Blue. Believe it or not - we may have another tonsure service tonight -
with the Elder lording over us - with his direction to move here or there -
to say this or that - scolding us - as well as the bishop scolding us -
and the new priest who is a toxic queen. He will ruin the parishioner community here
if he really is being made head priest here. He's not nice - he can be nice -
but he doesn't hold back his whims for treating people any which way
and rolling his eyes - and pushing people aside.
I am calming down and remembering my thoughts when I started to get fatigued -
I was just going to not bother myself with all that was going on - I was going to
watch my behavior and stay quiet and get involved when I was cued to do so.
It was a long service and I think we each got fatigued and bitchy -
I also want to say that I bet everybody gets a build up of tension when
we're doing work like that - and so I tried to normalize it by looking forward to
come to my room afterward and releasing myself with a beer and Blue's company
and a little bit of writing - I know we each have to deal with the ups and downs
of things - I just don't like that I feel so in touch with the bitterness and the acquiescence
that it's part of the human condition. :(
it's all a mix...dare i say keep on keeping on and bitch when needed lol
Replies
Yes, what Bob said.
Not feeling appreciated is a catalyst for much change. While there is aggravation around any corner, when it gets to be the norm rather than an exceptional case - no matter the situation - it’s healthy to question.
Whatever you decide, one day at a time. Sending hugs.
Thanks Mid! Xx
Thanks Nikki!! ((Hug))
Sounds like a toxic environment for you. Maybe you should look into moving. 5 hours of standing in a service is ridiculous]. You need to take care of yourself.
thanks becky! you are really right!
Have you ever done a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy work book before? If you can't buy one another trick is to write down three positive things a day
Big hug sweetie
What about giving yourself a timeline to decide if you want to continue living in a monestary sweetie
I think you could still do good work in a church and have your own place and time for yourself
You loved your little apt in CA
You seem unhappy a lot now
This type of living wouldn't suit too many people
I'm hugging you and keeping you in my prayers....xo
Thanks Janet !!
I was looking to see if a Priest in your churchbhad to live in a Monestary and you don't have to unless it's what you want...xo
Thanks Janet! I’m with the elder right now.
Hi Mark. I will agree with Bob and Mid. I'm sorry they aren't treating you well.