Rant about religion:p
i am tired and my patience is being challenged with the monastic
crowd. specifically with the presiding priests. they treat us like shit and then
they just marvel and the exquisiteness of their beings- they complement each
other back and forth - one 'moved himself to tears' today (the bishop) during
the ceremony. Another long day of services - 5 hours no breaks. It's awful.
I have to ask myself about what they're all about here - and yes it is safety
for the anxious soul - and I know I have been allowed to stay here -
but I thinking now that I might very well move if I can.
I know I am just very tired and irritated. They're all sniping each other
and not holding back - toxic!
I thought about how I am very good at creating something out of nothing -
but not very good at texts and academics like these monastics are -
Frankly my achievement will be transitioning that power to create
unique stuff and then working at the logistics (my challenge) to get it distributed.
I was starting to judge those who are good at working within the system of rules
and such - but I won't - we all have different strengths and powers.
I am tired and it was a bitter feeling today - grateful so grateful to be back in my room
with Blue. Believe it or not - we may have another tonsure service tonight -
with the Elder lording over us - with his direction to move here or there -
to say this or that - scolding us - as well as the bishop scolding us -
and the new priest who is a toxic queen. He will ruin the parishioner community here
if he really is being made head priest here. He's not nice - he can be nice -
but he doesn't hold back his whims for treating people any which way
and rolling his eyes - and pushing people aside.
I am calming down and remembering my thoughts when I started to get fatigued -
I was just going to not bother myself with all that was going on - I was going to
watch my behavior and stay quiet and get involved when I was cued to do so.
It was a long service and I think we each got fatigued and bitchy -
I also want to say that I bet everybody gets a build up of tension when
we're doing work like that - and so I tried to normalize it by looking forward to
come to my room afterward and releasing myself with a beer and Blue's company
and a little bit of writing - I know we each have to deal with the ups and downs
of things - I just don't like that I feel so in touch with the bitterness and the acquiescence
that it's part of the human condition. :(
it's all a mix...dare i say keep on keeping on and bitch when needed lol
Replies
In the human scope of things feeling bitter and irritated and angry have been gratefully tempered with my understanding that it is all a part of life and the human experience. I’m resting now. I’ve vented and I’m feeling better with also a sense of perspective. Grateful to be in my room and making plans for me and Blue ! Does this make sense? On to the next. Keep on keeping on!
the franciscan philosophy of making every step a prayer fits my nature, but 5 hours of formal piety sounds like a marathon i could not survive. what's with the string of them? seems like that would be enough to bring the unholies out in the most saintly of us. bitch freely. bitch often. the cathartic release can balance the stress.
Thanks Arfie!
Five hours and no break is a difficult challenge. Here's to you managing to maintain calm even with those feelings that are valid!
Thanks Mid!
Wondering if the others All Have To Stand for 5 hrs straight, or if that is left to the newbies.
In my Catholic days I found 'sitting' for three hours, with the exceptions of kneeling/standing a challenge.
(((Hugs))) to you and blue
Thanks Mary Louise!
’m finding parallel to my life in California to my life here. It’s like I’ve come full circle and have finally landed. With my relationship with my parents in California I was loving them but also challenged by them. Now I am here on my own in a new circumstance and I am challenged by the folks here in a different way. I suppose just accepting that the challenge is part of life is my answer. I have to build my life in any case. I also remember my life when working at Corporate. There was kind of a constant buzz of aggravation but also fun at times too..
moving an average of every six months until i was in my early 20's has given me an especially intense exposure to "the honeymoon" phases of life. be the endeavor a new job, relationship, house or whatever, i always go through a honeymoon phase where the new circumstances are purely of whatever attitude i started with. if the change was against my will, i purely hate it for the first six months or so. love remains love. curiosity remains curious. the experience doesn't seem to become multi-dimensional until that honeymoon phase passes.
i think. maybe. for sure, that full circle of which i think you speak is a tricky phenomenon to put into words, but it feels real as rocks in my gypsy senses.
Thanks Arfie!!
5 hours sounds exhausting. Also, I know it must be so frustrating to see people treating others in a manner that is the antithesis of how you treat them.
I recall Jan saying something about you finding a position somewhere that pays you to do the amazing things you do. You are so good at counseling and knowing what to say/do to help others feel better. I wonder if there’s someone there you trust to talk about options/possibilities.
thanks susan! that's a great idea!
Maybe it's your mind telling you, it's time to go where you can be appreciated.
I stopped going to church over 10 years ago because I was no longer getting anything out of it and I no longer believed the teachings of the church I grew up in.. My life had been hell up to that point, substance abuse made me feel better but it was only temporary ...but when I got sober, alot of miracles took place and began to put me on a different path that my soul seemed more aligned to. Many miracles happened in my life and continued to do so. It's such a pleasure waking up in the morning to see what love and beauty will be revealed to me during the day...Life is good and I wish the same for you, Mark.
God Bless
Thanks Bob! You are a gem! Thanks for the inspiring message!
I agree with what Bob said.