Random thoughts

There are days where I don't know who I am. I look back on my life and realize all the people I have left behind. It was so easy. I guess I got used to it but there are days when I miss those people and realize I don't really have any friends. Days where I feel all alone. There isn't anyone I have that I can vent to or talk to things with so I have reverted once again to DS. I am 2 months clean but that isn't anything special. I feel no sense of accomplishment in my life. There's no thrill or excitement. Everything is just kind of gray. I got a 10% raise back in February which I thought would help with this but it hasn't. I just financed a car that will be here in a week but I'm not excited about it. I just can't seem to feel fulfilled. I mean what's the point of living if you all you feel like is a vending machine. Between having people move in with you because they were kicked out of their house and handing out money every week because someone is too prideful to just let me pay for some things. Why am I unable to write something without someone trying to read it. Why is it that every time I'm depressed everyone else gets sad when the easiest thing is to just leave me alone. When anyone feels sad while I'm depressed it makes it worse because I am causing that pain. I hate it! I'm tired of this life. I never seem to do anything right. I am an idiot that makes the same mistakes over and over. I don't know. I guess that's my biggest issue. I just don't know anything.