random ramblings n sich
This is gonna be a weird entry but here goes.
I shaved my chest for the first time since high school. I was just making another place to cut (if you ever tried to cut through hair you understand). I saw, for the first time in 7 years, my scars from those who hurt me and those I hurt. At the time I didn't cut on my arms because I was ridiculed enough in the locker room by my team(I played football). I was that weird jock that was in choir, school plays, and musicals. I didnt date The cheerleaders or even other athletic girls. I dated the girls who understood me. The girls from band, choir, plays, and musicals. So while I was a jock I was not the popular jock.
To get back on topic. Each set of scars were more like symbols. One was a star over my heart from the time I had to let Beth go because I was graduating and she wasn't. One was from Alex my first boyfriend who after we broke up I promised him a dance at prom and totally spaced so knowing he was hurt I needed to hurt as well(he was a big X on the left side of my chest) and there were a few more but you get the idea.
All of these symbols I noticed eased the pain better than the menagerie of lines on my upper right arm. I think that was because they meant something as opposed to just trying to get my fix of endorphins. This may seem like just a bunch of rambling nonsense but even the vertical lines on my forearm were more satisfying than than my latest and deepest cuts on my upper arm. I find this intriguing simply because I am the type of guy that used to smile really big after cutting but now it's not even a smile I am straightfaced and and just kinda like... really? That's it?... doesn't matter how many or how deep the cuts are. I still have at least one symbol to cut but I am waiting to do that one.
Anywho, sadly most of those scars are faded or gone completely but the memories of those people are still with me.
Oh yeah... not sure if my texts are getting through to a certain someone... Hope you had a good day and I apologize for interrupting your day with your friend
I shaved my chest for the first time since high school. I was just making another place to cut (if you ever tried to cut through hair you understand). I saw, for the first time in 7 years, my scars from those who hurt me and those I hurt. At the time I didn't cut on my arms because I was ridiculed enough in the locker room by my team(I played football). I was that weird jock that was in choir, school plays, and musicals. I didnt date The cheerleaders or even other athletic girls. I dated the girls who understood me. The girls from band, choir, plays, and musicals. So while I was a jock I was not the popular jock.
To get back on topic. Each set of scars were more like symbols. One was a star over my heart from the time I had to let Beth go because I was graduating and she wasn't. One was from Alex my first boyfriend who after we broke up I promised him a dance at prom and totally spaced so knowing he was hurt I needed to hurt as well(he was a big X on the left side of my chest) and there were a few more but you get the idea.
All of these symbols I noticed eased the pain better than the menagerie of lines on my upper right arm. I think that was because they meant something as opposed to just trying to get my fix of endorphins. This may seem like just a bunch of rambling nonsense but even the vertical lines on my forearm were more satisfying than than my latest and deepest cuts on my upper arm. I find this intriguing simply because I am the type of guy that used to smile really big after cutting but now it's not even a smile I am straightfaced and and just kinda like... really? That's it?... doesn't matter how many or how deep the cuts are. I still have at least one symbol to cut but I am waiting to do that one.
Anywho, sadly most of those scars are faded or gone completely but the memories of those people are still with me.
Oh yeah... not sure if my texts are getting through to a certain someone... Hope you had a good day and I apologize for interrupting your day with your friend
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