questioning everything

Why am i here?  How did I get to be old?  I just feel like crying today.  My new boss started and has been busy integrating into the business so he has left me to do my own thing.  Good and bad I guess.  I start imagining that is because he knows I am nowhere near as good as he is and probably waiting for me to screw up.  He is 30 and very attractive.  Just what I need ...to look at super smart eye candy every day and remind myself how fucked up my life is.  I am starting to think about quitting school.  I dread going every week.  I hate being out late and having to wait til 6:30 for class. AT one class a semester I am never going to finish anyway.  By the time I get to move back to a place where I can have horses I will be too old to try jumping or maybe even ride.  My pain level is pretty high today.  Just questioning every single thing...tired of loving someone who is dragging me down financially at all times.