Pre-session processing

Haven't written in a while despite having a lot to process. Wedding went great and Zac was actually a lot of fun to hang out with at the wedding. He was an arrogant ass towards me the night before at the rehearsal dinner, but day-of he pulled it together. Somehow at the wedding my miscarriage was brought up with Spencer (he brought it up I believe) and Zac was in the same area, so he heard about that while I was in a drunken stupor. I don't remember the whole conversation, Spencer has zero recollection, and Zac doesn't remember how he got back to his hotel - so I think it's safe to call it a wash. Spencer did drunkenly exclaim "your baby died" which helped me realize how much I genuinely appreciate that acknowledgement. I despise the "at least now you know you can get pregnant" because that means literally nothing. More chances for miscarriages - whoopee. 

During the wedding I was taking my medication to ovulate, which threw my emotions all over the place. It was very frustrating. It also sent me into a depression spiral (a common side effect) which makes having sex very undesirable. Super counterintuitive. Had to work around it, as well as some feelings of uncertainty around getting pregnant again - and the guilt associated.

I also started practicum - haven't seen any clients yet but I saw the maple ridge office that I'll be primarily working out of. Didn't hit me until Dawn mentioned she hadn't seen the new pool yet that we are AT the rec center Harley always talked about. His "home" rec center. It definitely caused an instantaneous panic response, but I grounded myself as best I could. Since then I've found myself really wanting to text him or Bailey to find out if he's still in the area. I'm just so nervous about running into him, but I also don't want to invite that by contacting him or having Bailey tell him I asked. It's just something I'll have to contend with.