Pre session

I have 8 minutes to wrap up so much processing that has happened. Most of it has been via messenger with Daniel, a lot of it has been deleted... Not having it to look back on is saddening, but the conversations have been so dynamic and ongoing that the experience is still there. It's still fresh. 

So what do I talk about today... Realizing my attachment pain for dad and the pain of losing mom. Realizing I'm still in love with my ex, that I knew I never fell out of love with... Feeling a twinge of love and pain at seeing him call me his ex fiance, and knowing that all I ever wanted was to be his wife. Contending with these emotions of what could have been and the absolute gratitude I have for my current life. 

I could talk about thinking I was pregnant... Symptoms, late period (by 3 days), excitement... And now the grief of not being pregnant, compounded by relief that I'm not telling Daniel that I am in the midst of us processing our mutual pain. Such a mess.

And now he's telling me he's an alcoholic and needs AA... And how do I help him? How do I be supportive without over extending myself or over imposing myself. Maybe he'll want or need space from his ex fiance and will I be okay with that?