Passion
But don't you understand? Passion doesn't always count. My brother was very passionate about everything when I was growing up. We always had to take certain routes in the car. It didn't matter if the routes took us on dirt roads and took us hours longer to reach our destination. He was passionate about lists. He would constantly demand that I give him my favorite songs so he could make fun of them or hate them. He was passionate about torturing me...he wouldn't quit. It only ended the day he tried to strangle me. It only ended then because I stopped caring. He was pasionate about making my life a living hell. When I stopped giving him the reaction he wanted, he moved on to make my parents life a living hell. What he wanted he wanted very deeply. Whatever he wanted he wanted more than I didn't want it, but that doesn't mean that he should always be allowed to have it. My first wife was also passionate about what she wanted. I was never passionate about what I wanted, so she always got what she wanted. She was very passionate about wanting a child. She was infertile, so we tried all kinds of things. Finally, we found a surrogate mother in Wisconsin. I drove to Wisconsin monthly and jacked off into a turkey baster. The woman got pregnant, and my child got born. My first wife wanted another child with all of her heart. I couldn't do it again. She pestered me about it constantly, wouldn't stop wouldn't stop wouldn't stop. She even went behind my back to make arrangements with the woman in Wisconsin. I had enough. Just wanting something very badly isn't enough. Instead she lost everything. We lost everything. To leave her, I lost everything. But Passion isn't enough. My current wife wants me to quit Daily Strength. She wants it SOO badly because she doesn't want all these poor, depressed women crying on my shoulders and turning my head so that I will leave my wife for them. DS is my only connection to friends...to people who care about me...to people who understand. The doctors said they didn't understand how much it meant to her, how passionate about it she was, so they want me to quit DS. But don't you understand? Passion doesn't always count. I've never been passionate about anything in my life, and I get rolled over by those who are. So I never get anything that I want in my life. Its always someone else who wants it more...wants it so much that its beyond reason...beyond all that is rational. I have to get what I want sometimes, or else, I don't exist.
Replies
oh al thats a tough one mate. im not sure i could leave ds but im lucky enough to not be in ur situation. can u compromise and spend less time on here? agree set times? or arrange more quality time with ur wife? i can see her point but u need to make urself heard too. why should u have to give up something that means so much to u? i hope u can work this out with her
I\'m glad you consider this a sanctuary. I get some pressure about the time I spend on here too. It\'s all a control issue - I have real friends here that I\'m not going to lose because of someone else\'s jealousy
Alphonse, remember the Oxygen Mask? If you give up what you need, you won\'t be able to give her anything.
I agree with Winny... Find a compromise.
While you\'re at it - find a doc (psych) that understands the WHOLE situation. Someone who understands you, and her - and can help you both find ways of being happy (alone and together)
(((((hugs)))))) Steamrolled, that\'s what I call it. My older sister treated me much the same as your brother, and sounds similar in personality...obsessive, overbearing (passionate has too positive a connotation for me). The trouble with not caring anymore is that it\'s hard to sustain. The other thing is, once people like us take a stand we are stronger than we ever have been. The last line you wrote is incredibly powerful, keep it within you and make sure that everyone knows not how passionate you are, but how serious you are about getting what you NEED. (((((huggles))))
My hubby doesn\'t bug me about DS but I don\'t feel comfortable being on when he is around. I know the powerful relationships that have been formed here and how important they are to me. I can relate to others and not be judge and can take the freaking mask off and be real here. I don\'t think I could just quit. I hope you can be passionalte about you and your happiness. Keep believing in yourself and loving what you love!!
Awe hun - I wish you would talk to me. Damn it! You are such an awesome, brilliant, hysterically funny man. You deserve HAPPINESS! or at the very least a normal & sometimes fun life. Hugs and love and MEAN it, Jazzie xx
You are an amazing person and I am sorry that you are being treated the way that you are. Have you tried explaining to her that DS is your support and she has her own friends and support. Its not just depressed women crying on your shoulder
You are wonderful, never forget it
Love you
xxxx
You have to get what you want sometimes, that is very, very true! You do NOT have to constantly do what others want so THEY are happy....it\'s not wrong to do something for yourself, and please don;t let them make you think it IS wrong.
You are much loved and respected here. Peace to you....xx
And yes you do my friend.. You need to get what you want and stand up for it. Set your own boundaries.. you deserve it..love and appreciation..
I can understand the pressures in your situation, well some of them. Ignite YOUR passion! I think you have a question for your wife and her doc that is ginormous. \"Why should you (Steve) be denied everything so that your wife can have something?\"
Hang tight on this my friend.
Hugs hun. I am sorry you are going through this. You need to do what makes you happy and assure you that this site isn\'t going to change how you feel about her. Men cry on your shoulder too :) Those women who cry on your shoulder cry on other women\'s shoulders. It\'s just a place for friends to help each other. Take care hun xo
oh hun. i am sooo sorry. you need to get what you need too. i don\'t want you to lose a marraige either but you need to have something as well! hugs!
I had these same problems with my s.o. Funny, he goes to his own support groups, but can\'t see why I need this group; or, put so much time in it. I just tell him it is my AA.
It\'s none of your doctors business if your on a support group online. Is she scared of the competition ? As for your wife, I don\'t know, have you done things that she would get jealous about? Do you spend all your time on here? Or, do you make an effort to be in the \"real world\" too. Perhaps putting t a timer on the amount of time you spend here?
Sometimes I feel the same way about my SO\'s AA. I am pretty much in favor of if your male, get help from another male. If your female do the same. He has 3 or 4 women calling him daily. Hell, one of them came to meet me. But, if he had had sex with them, he would have told me, no shame, we were on a break.
But, yeah, it bothers me when they call, so I can see where your wifes head is at. I at least I can compare it to the male friends i have here on DS. None of them are about \"relationships\" , just trying to help each other cope. And, except for general discussion I will recommend another female to help a female. Or, for me, if a male needed help, I would think of a male I feel can help that person and recommend or introduce them. A saying I think about is, flirting starts out as a tiny little snow ball, but soon turns into an avalanche that destroys everyone and everything in it way.
I have never thought of you as a flirty person, you seem to be here to help, I understand that. But, sometimes we have to check outselves and our motives.
I do have one male friend that I shoot the crap with. There is not a sexual attraction, but I dont want to loose his friendship either. I don\'t know what I would do if I was faced with the alternative of stopping completely to make my spouse feel better. isn\'t that her job to make herself feel better? But, to help make your wife secure, you may need to change your use and amount of time in DS just a tiny little bit. I hope you don\'t give it up completely, I do enjoy your post.
You are an awesome CL,and funny , sensitive guy. Sorry you are so sad. Thinking about you.
i love you steve and i agree its time for you to finally have something that you want. you deserve the best because you are the best