panic

Panic is super high today.  can't breathe...feels like I am going to throw up.  I knew that my friend was holding me up a good portion of the day.  It is one thing to know it and another to have it slap you in the face when it's gone.  Is he right and this was nothing more than codependence? I don't think so ..but I guess it doesn't matter at this point. I was never really worthy of his time anyway.  I just keep taking slow deep breaths.  we are closing early today for the holiday..just trying to hold on long enough to get out of work.  That horrible, end of the world, ball of fear is stuck in my chest.