PANIC

I HAD ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK.  I THNIK.  JACKIE'S BENIFITS DEPT CALLED THAT THEY RECEIVED HER DEATH CERTIFICATE.  AND SHE HAD A 401k,  WHY, WHY WHY,  I JUST TOOK A XANAX .  IM CRYING AND SHAKING.  I FELT LIKE I COULDNT BREATH.   I MISS HER SO MUCH.  I DONT WANT HER 401K I WANT HER.  I QUIT SMOKING 15 YEARS AGO AND IM WRITING WITH A CIGARETT IN MY HAND.  THIS IS TOO MUCH TO OVERCOME.  IS IT GOOD THAT WE TALK ON LINE,  IT JUST PROBABLY OPENS THE WOUNDS FOR WHOEVER READS THIS CAUSE I CANT HELP ANYONE.  I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK.  SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THIS.  YES SHE WAS IN PAIN BUT SHE PROMISED ME SHE WOULDNT HURT HERSELF.  SHE KNEW WHAT THIS WOULD DO TO ME.  IT WOULD BE SO EASY FOR ME TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP.  I HATE THAT I CANT CAUSE I HAVE FAMILY.  I KNOW I WOULD DO TO THEM JUST WHAT SHE DID.   I DONT BELIEVE THIS OVERWHELMING PAIN WILL EVER GO AWAY.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD DAY

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

If you were her, would you want her to hurt like this were the roles reversed?

Keep talking. Call 1-800-273-TALK if you need to speak with someone...most likely it will be someone in your own area.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I know exactly how you feel AND IT\'S NORMAL. Panic attacks are NORMAL but they will GO AWAY, give it time (about a month). I started smoking again too and now I have to move into an apartment where NO SMOKING is allowed, I\'ll go CRAZY, I have to figure out a way to do it without getting caught. Listen: our daughters DID NOT DO THIS TO US. The degree of torment and pain involved in suicide is TEN TIMES greater than what you\'re feeling and what I\'m feeling. Go to Parents of Suicide site, sign up for the email group, you will get TONS of support from people who have SURVIVED and who ARE surviving. When someone makes that final decision to end life, they\'re focused ONLY on ending their pain. It doesn\'t mean you weren\'t greatly loved. MY daughter ALSO promised me that she would tell me if anything was wrong and she didn\'t. It\'s ok to be angry and when you\'re very upset you might feel panic and pace the house or even fall onto the floor (I\'ve done them ALL). This is NORMAL for the horrific experience you just had. If you don\'t have a grief counselor, find one.
Pauljac49
Pauljac49

Tigerpaws, I know your right. I dont hink I would wish this on my worst enemy. I just want the pain to stop
deleted_user
deleted_user

I had stopped smoking for seven years but guess what? I\'m smoking too... I know I\'ll quit again. I get the panic attacks... all to say you are not alone here. These days are the worst, nothing will ever be the same but Ellzeena is right your daughter did not do this to you, if it had just crossed her mind how much pain she\'d be leaving behind... I know my husband didn\'t do this to us, you\'ve said yourself, it was this pain... it was too much. Oh, I\'m so sorry you have to go through this, I really do feel your pain. Sending my support and hugs. Love, Suzannah
Pauljac49
Pauljac49

Suzannah, thank you for your support. I have found this site to be so comforting to me. I want to be able to give love, understanding and support also to anyone who needs it, but I\'m an emotional mess right now. Im so glad I found this site.