Overwhelming Sadness

I don't know how much more of this I can take.  Everytime I think of Gene my heart breaks all over again.  I miss him more and more each day that passes.  I can't sleep and I have horrible anxiety all the time.  Some days I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.  I have no ambition to do anything and my house is a mess.  Everything I did I did because of Gene and my son.  Now it's just me and there seems to reason to do anything.  I feel I should be further along the grieving path by now, but we had such a strong and beautiful relationship and he had such a presence about him.  Now the house is so empty and I get so lonely that I just go to sleep to escape.  It's all too hard.  Then, my job is so boring it seems like the time just crawls by and leaves me too much time to think about my sorrow.  I'd love to find a new job but the market around here isn't very strong right now and at least this job pays me well enough to get by.  I feel stuck here.  Why did God take my husband and leave me with this depression and sadness?