Our Little Fighter Just Couldn't Make It :(

I am so sad right now.  We had our appointment this AM.  Our baby no longer has a heartbeat :(
It was crushing to hear this.  And the previous appointments weren't really even enough preparation because there really is no way to prepare to hear this news.
I thought I had mentally prepared myself.  But there really is no such thing.
I burst out crying and insisted that someone else come in to double check.  They were very compassionate and brought someone else in and she too confirmed no heartbeat :(
There are not words for what this feels like.  I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. This is not how New Year's Eve is supposed to be.
My husband held me while we waited for the 2nd person to come in to do another ultrasound.  We are so sad.  It is so sad to see your baby's heart beating one week and then the next week to hear it has stopped.
This is not how this New Year's was supposed to be for us.  I am sitting here in my office....the room that is supposed to be the baby's room.  The baby I have been trying to have for over 3 years.  And this is just so painful.
I am scheduled to have a D&C on Friday.  I don't want to go through this naturally.   Since this is my third loss, I want to have genetic testing done and maybe even find out the baby's gender.
I am broken to pieces right now.  But I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers, hugs, kind thoughts and words.  It means the world to have this support.  This is such a tragic moment for my husband and me.  And to have had so many of you rooting for us has really touched my heart.  And I know that if a miracle was possible...it surely would have happened with such life force in prayers and good thoughts.  
I know we will pick up the pieces...again....but right now it feels too much to bear.
I just have to trust that I will cope and heal.
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh hon, I\'m so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Please know that I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user

All I can do is pray that you feel love coming from all of us. I am so sorry that this is happening to your family. Sending much love and prayers for comfort.
polydoly13
polydoly13

My heart is breaking for you. I was so hoping for good news for you guys. I know that any words I say will fall short of your hurt, so just know that I am sending hugs and prayers.
HopefullyWaiting
HopefullyWaiting

I am so sorry, I know there is nothing anyone can say to take away your pain. Hugs and prayers!
GirlAtHeart
GirlAtHeart

I\'m sorry for your loss. I liked, appreciated and admired you for saying how you celebrated your baby the moment its existence was known. Your baby was a living being with a soul. I\'m sorry he or she did not stay here on earth long enough.
psychmajor725
psychmajor725

So sorry for your loss!!!! I will keep you, your husband and your baby in my thoughts and prayers! We are here for you! Hugs!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so incredibly sorry that you have to endure another loss and this pain. I\'m crying thinking of you. I hope you find the strength to pull through this and I will be sending every ounce of positive thinking I can your way for your healing and future. ~so many hugs~
MoniKat
MoniKat

My heart is breaking for you =( I\'ve been there so many times as I have lost babies at 5 weeks, 8 weeks, 22 weeks and 31 weeks. I can tell you that your heart will heal with time and love. It\'s not easy...I miss all of my babies so very much. I really hope that 2014 brings you that miracle that you deserve so much. BIG HUGS!!
Nedico
Nedico

This is horrible! Life is not fair, I wish I could take part of your pain for you if I thought it would ease yours just a little!
SoMuchHoping
SoMuchHoping

Bean, Claire, Tgirl, Polydoly, Hopefullywaiting, Girlatheart, Pscyhmajor, Lindsey, MoniKat, Nedico.....my thank yous don\'t do it justice. But thank you for sharing your experiences. For connecting with my heart. And for thinking of us during this very painful time. Thank you for the ongoing prayers and good thoughts. I will need them to get through the coming weeks.
CaliCutie81
CaliCutie81

My heart aches for you right now. IF can be so cruel. I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this right now and I pray that you will get some answers, but even more I pray that you will heal, find closure and one day will have your miracle for keeps.
You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers XO
LMWT
LMWT

Oh hun, I am so sorry to hear this! Not the way you wanted to start the new year. I am so sorry for yet another loss. I hope the D&C/genetic testing can give you some answers and peace of mind. Hugs!
jfv9f0
jfv9f0

omg I am so sorry hun...
SoMuchHoping
SoMuchHoping

Calicutie, LmWT and jfv9fo, Thank you so much for your words of comfort during this difficult time. It helps to know that so many people care.
jfv9f0
jfv9f0

I am here ne time u need ne thing