Our Little Fighter Just Couldn't Make It :(
I am so sad right now. We had our appointment this AM. Our baby no longer has a heartbeat :(
It was crushing to hear this. And the previous appointments weren't really even enough preparation because there really is no way to prepare to hear this news.
I thought I had mentally prepared myself. But there really is no such thing.
I burst out crying and insisted that someone else come in to double check. They were very compassionate and brought someone else in and she too confirmed no heartbeat :(
There are not words for what this feels like. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. This is not how New Year's Eve is supposed to be.
My husband held me while we waited for the 2nd person to come in to do another ultrasound. We are so sad. It is so sad to see your baby's heart beating one week and then the next week to hear it has stopped.
This is not how this New Year's was supposed to be for us. I am sitting here in my office....the room that is supposed to be the baby's room. The baby I have been trying to have for over 3 years. And this is just so painful.
I am scheduled to have a D&C on Friday. I don't want to go through this naturally. Since this is my third loss, I want to have genetic testing done and maybe even find out the baby's gender.
I am broken to pieces right now. But I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers, hugs, kind thoughts and words. It means the world to have this support. This is such a tragic moment for my husband and me. And to have had so many of you rooting for us has really touched my heart. And I know that if a miracle was possible...it surely would have happened with such life force in prayers and good thoughts.
I know we will pick up the pieces...again....but right now it feels too much to bear.
I just have to trust that I will cope and heal.
It was crushing to hear this. And the previous appointments weren't really even enough preparation because there really is no way to prepare to hear this news.
I thought I had mentally prepared myself. But there really is no such thing.
I burst out crying and insisted that someone else come in to double check. They were very compassionate and brought someone else in and she too confirmed no heartbeat :(
There are not words for what this feels like. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. This is not how New Year's Eve is supposed to be.
My husband held me while we waited for the 2nd person to come in to do another ultrasound. We are so sad. It is so sad to see your baby's heart beating one week and then the next week to hear it has stopped.
This is not how this New Year's was supposed to be for us. I am sitting here in my office....the room that is supposed to be the baby's room. The baby I have been trying to have for over 3 years. And this is just so painful.
I am scheduled to have a D&C on Friday. I don't want to go through this naturally. Since this is my third loss, I want to have genetic testing done and maybe even find out the baby's gender.
I am broken to pieces right now. But I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers, hugs, kind thoughts and words. It means the world to have this support. This is such a tragic moment for my husband and me. And to have had so many of you rooting for us has really touched my heart. And I know that if a miracle was possible...it surely would have happened with such life force in prayers and good thoughts.
I know we will pick up the pieces...again....but right now it feels too much to bear.
I just have to trust that I will cope and heal.
Replies
I was so hoping this would not be the case. I am so very sorry gor your loss. I know that there are no words to take away your pain but know I am thinking if you and your sweet angel.
xoxo
I\'m so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to heal. I hope the genetic testing will give you some answers. Sending big hugs and wishing you peace.
Oh I am so sorry, I was so hoping for a miracle. I hope the D & C will tell you what you need to know. Thinking of you, big hugs. xo
I am crying - I really hoped for good news for you. There are no words to say right now ...
Please know I am thinking of you and sending so much love your way. Xoxoxo
I am so sorry. This breaks my heart in half. Prayers for u through this time, I hope u get the answers u so desperately need.
Im so so sorry. I\'ve been checking DS all day hoping to hear some good news from you. I\'m still praying for you and thinking of you. I have no words. Just sorry :(
I\'m so sorry for your loss.
I\'m so so sorry my heart is broken into a million pieces for you and your husband. If you need support you know how too find me message whenever. You are in my thoughts tonight.
I am so sorry. There are no words. Just know that prayers continue for you both.
My heart is crushed for you. I know that no words can take away your pain, but I am so so sorry that you are in this position again and I will continue to pray for you and your husband. If I knew that a million hugs would make the pain go away, I would do that for you. I am here for you always, as you have been for me. May God bless you, your family and may you find peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers no out to you and your family.
I\'m so so sorry friend. I was hoping along with everyone else that you would have a miracle. Thinking of you and your family love.
Thinking of you and lifting you up like you\'ve helped so many others this year. So very sorry for you. My heart just hurts for you!
Roxy, Mag, Andi, Shannon, Ejadep, Babysteps, Katie, Fishnswim, Kayleen, Dallyjoe, Mrschizzy, Leciag, PolkaDotGirl, and LHforMom.......Thank you for your incredible words, love, understanding and for riding the last several days of this most terrible emotional roller coaster with me. And feeling my pain and for caring so much. I showed my husband your responses. You have comforted him as well. I am thinking of all of you whether you are celebrating something this evening, feeling unsure of the future or finding yourself in the depths of difficult emotions right now. Through pain comes so much depth....personal growth...and wisdom. I admit some minutes I don\'t care about any of that and I just want my baby....but other times I know there are greater gifts even if it is not the exact gift I have been pursuing for over three years. It is hard to surrender to life\'s plan. I am feeling it (the hard part) right now. Thank you for being so good to me, my husband and our unborn baby.
I just read your past 3 journal entries as I have been away from the site for quite some time. I just want to say that I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. I will be praying for you, your husband, and your family. I so hoped that you wouldn\'t have to go through this yet again. I know this pain and my heart is hurting for you right now... I know how hard the miscarriages can be as I have had 2. Emotionally, physically, spiritually...they effect you on every level. Thank you for sharing your posts and your wisdom. By being open and sharing your journey you are helping other women in the same situation. I know that right now you probably don\'t care about any of that...it\'s hard when your heart is breaking to focus on anything else. Please take care of yourself right now. I am sending so much love and prayers your way. It is a terrible situation that you are in but you will pull through this and hopefully you will be blessed in 2014 with the baby you so desparately want. Please give your husband a hug too and let him know that there are people out there that care and are praying for you both. xoxo