numbing
It's very difficult to meditate - specifically it's difficult to focus inward. My mind is constantly wandering off. I can't tell if i'm dissociating - or what. During the moments I could focus inward I notice I'm scared. Something is very scary but distant. The fear is being burried. I thought the holidays went alright - I was at mom's and barely spoke to her and had very low expecations from everyone. it seemed ok. When I think about the event - I sense a quiet slithering snake that circles around and around. He is going to attack. but the thing is so quiet - I barely notice it and it hasn't attacked yet.
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I am sorry you are finding it difficult to meditate and feeling that waiting for the attack. I feel that often. Good you made it through the holidays.
Sending wishes of a good 2017
Your words powerfully evoke your fears. I have confidence in your strength to handle whatever may be lurking, however difficult it may be. Standing by to support you.
I have had that snake lurking in shadows as well....it was my mother. I would dream of huge snakes lurking in my childhood home and I knew they represented her. Always waiting for the right time to attack. I am not surprised that this image came for you after spending time with your family.
I hope you are able to meditate again soon as I am sure that the fear is coming from your inner children and they will need comforting. If you can't concentrate in your mediation you can just talk to them during the day. They can hear you all the time.
((hugs))
Thanks everyone for your kind words. LE - I like your thoughts on approaching and acknowledging my inner children throughout the day - not just during meditation. I'm going to try that today. Thank you for your always very much appreciated advice. Doo - thanks for helping me to not feel alone. DW - thank you always for your support :) Your kitty pictures have been helping! they are so cute :)
I have the same issue with meditation (my mind wanders off). One time at the end of a yoga class, during the meditation part, an instructor placed what felt like bean-bags over my eyes. It felt like relief! It really helped with the focusing inward. I suggest you try putting something with a little bit of weight over your eyes.
Keep at it. Practicing really works.
Thanks JR - illl try that
Hope you find some peace soon.