numbers mentioned (sorry I forgot to write that yesterday..eek)
Haven't felt good at all today. Not sure if it's the anxiety that's doing it, or what. I think I had a pretty good session today with Joanna. I guess Jill updated Joanna about my meeting with her yesterday. Joanna was surprised about the weight gain and believes it's a fluke. She said she kind of wishes I had gone home and weighed myself afterwards yesterday so that I could of compared to my weight from Saturday- that way it would not be this unknown like it is right now. I was too terrified to do that though.
We talked a lot about the weight and my feelings in regards to it etc. It was very clear how besides myself I was, as well as how uncomfortable I have been the past two days eating everything.
Eventually she asked to move forward because talking about it probably was not the best thing for me, I agreed. We went on about many other things that have been difficult for me...a lot of other issues. We ended on the fact that I would not be seeing her for 15 days after next Wednesday- she did not realize that it was going to be that long. I sensed a little bit of, "oh fuck" from her reaction. She said next time we can talk about phone/email/etc check ins for during those 2 weeks.
With so much going on right now and my mind spinning like crazy, she asked me to try to find something to get my mind off of things. I'm having a lot of difficultly doing that. I can't seem to find anything to enjoy doing right now. And I feel so unaccomplished and like I am wasting time/space. Last weekend I worked all weekend, but I felt like I got nothing accomplished. I did absolutely nothing. I miss crew like crazy. It's killing me.
So here is the part where you are going to say I am really crazy Karin...
After much back and forth in my head I weighed myself. At first I was excited and agreed that yesterday was a fluke, but then as I thought about it and kept getting on and off the scale I contemplated whether it truly was. Now I have no idea which way to think, as my thinking is all mixed up. I usually weigh myself in the mornings right when I get up with nothing on and Jill's scale is usually 2# up from that. I weighed myself just now and it was 106.2, 2# up from Saturday...but it's in the evening and I had bra/underwear/socks on. Then I did it with my sweats on like I got weighed yesterday at Jill (exact clothes) and it was 108.4. So 2# up from that would be in range. But do I add those because it was later in the day? I have no idea how to compare it all and it is bothering the living crap out of me. I'm still so freaking confused. I feel like maybe it was not a fluke. I have no idea and it's pissing me off. I hate this shit- my head is spinning. I need to turn my mind on to something else, but this is so overpowering.
We talked a lot about the weight and my feelings in regards to it etc. It was very clear how besides myself I was, as well as how uncomfortable I have been the past two days eating everything.
Eventually she asked to move forward because talking about it probably was not the best thing for me, I agreed. We went on about many other things that have been difficult for me...a lot of other issues. We ended on the fact that I would not be seeing her for 15 days after next Wednesday- she did not realize that it was going to be that long. I sensed a little bit of, "oh fuck" from her reaction. She said next time we can talk about phone/email/etc check ins for during those 2 weeks.
With so much going on right now and my mind spinning like crazy, she asked me to try to find something to get my mind off of things. I'm having a lot of difficultly doing that. I can't seem to find anything to enjoy doing right now. And I feel so unaccomplished and like I am wasting time/space. Last weekend I worked all weekend, but I felt like I got nothing accomplished. I did absolutely nothing. I miss crew like crazy. It's killing me.
So here is the part where you are going to say I am really crazy Karin...
After much back and forth in my head I weighed myself. At first I was excited and agreed that yesterday was a fluke, but then as I thought about it and kept getting on and off the scale I contemplated whether it truly was. Now I have no idea which way to think, as my thinking is all mixed up. I usually weigh myself in the mornings right when I get up with nothing on and Jill's scale is usually 2# up from that. I weighed myself just now and it was 106.2, 2# up from Saturday...but it's in the evening and I had bra/underwear/socks on. Then I did it with my sweats on like I got weighed yesterday at Jill (exact clothes) and it was 108.4. So 2# up from that would be in range. But do I add those because it was later in the day? I have no idea how to compare it all and it is bothering the living crap out of me. I'm still so freaking confused. I feel like maybe it was not a fluke. I have no idea and it's pissing me off. I hate this shit- my head is spinning. I need to turn my mind on to something else, but this is so overpowering.
Replies
I can\'t believe Joanna said you should have weighed in at home. She and Jill need to get their shit together and compare notes without involving you. No wonder you are riddled with anxiety. But I\'m glad she\'s offering to check in with her by email during those two weeks.
Working is a lot to get accomplished. I think we feel unaccomplished and inferior no matter what we do. What the fuck is wrong with us and thanks to our parents for providing us with so \'much\' self esteem that we feel like shit all the time. Going a little overboard here but as you read my journal I\'m dealing with the same shit.
Ok the weighing is such a touchy thing and crazy like you said. All I know is that bra, underwear and socks don\'t weigh anything and that sweats don\'t wear two pounds. But from morning to evening being naked at both times I have a difference of two pounds. So I hope this doesn\'t confuse you anymore. No matter what according to your scale you are not in range and if Jill\'s scale weighs 2 pounds more than yours you are barely in range either. So I would say, chill about the weight and keep up your food plan.
No...I understand where Joanna is coming from. It makes\' sense to me.
The bra/underwear/socks do add up to a few ounces. and clearly my clothes do weigh two pounds toehrwise it would not of gone up two pounds from being nearly naked to putting the clothes on within a few minutues.
Stop it!
i do not think joanne should of said that about weighing yourself, it just adds to more confusion and anxietxy. weighing obssevily can and has driven you crazy. sweats do not weigh 2 pounds, you know better then that. however, yes the evening will be different then morning. as karin stated you are no where near the range you should be, so do try and stop ed from spinning your mind and think about what you can do to distract yourself. glad that joanne is going to keep in touch. hugss
what do you guys NOT UNDERSTAND!!??
I weighed myself with bra/underwear/socks and it was 106.2 Then a minute later I put my clothes on and it was 108.4 I took my clothes off again and it went back down to 106.2
CLEARLY my clothes did weigh that much. ITS A FACT
You are missing the point Steph. They are trying to make you aware how focused you are on the numbers and that a slight change up or down shouldn\'t make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. Yes, easier said than done but I think you might want to look at blind weights as you need to get away from what the scale is telling you. I try my best not to weigh myself more than twice a month and only with my husband just to make sure I am on track. It is so enlightening to realize that I can devote more time to life than focusing on what the scale says. I really encourage you to look at that and try to get away from the scale... You deserve so much better than that.
I get the damn point- i\'m just saying that it clearly is a fact of the weight of the sweats so stop telling me that they don\'t weigh 2 fucking pounds.
yes i know i\'m obsessed with the numbers right now=- i see that very clearly
she does blind weights- i just fucked it up after 3 months being out from the hospital by weighing myeslf.
Ok we get it, your sweats wear two pounds. Now let\'s move on to not obsessing about the damn scale so much.