Note to self:

the same thought has been rolling around in my head for a couple of days now.  I figured that meant I was supposed to record it. 

I can still love him and choose not to live that way.

He left this morning on his new trip that will have him gone until Tuesday.  He was super sweet and sober last night and even came into bed last night.  I woke in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom and when I crawled back into bed he actually held my hand.  He has not done that in many years. 

When he left this morning he kissed me like he has not done in years.  I still love him...it still totally melted me.  fuck.  But the thought still remains...

Just because I still love him does not mean I have to be sentenced to live this way.  That other guy, the one that comes out with the alchohol, will be back....he always comes back.

I can choose to change my life and still love him.