Not doing well
Well for some reason the month of June and July have been really down for me. I'm staying in bed too much. I'm having trouble ruminating about the past - childhood, failed marriages, lost friends, etc. I keep having bad dreams about going to jail or to the hospital. I try to count my blessings but it's been a struggle. I try to remember the good times in my life but even that makes me sad cuz they're gone.
I tried a new med - Latuda that didn't work out and had to go back on resperdal. I have a new pdoc that I think I like. She spent over an hour with me on my first visit with her and I have her cell phone number. The only thing I don't like is that she doesn't take insurance - cash only, but I think it might be worth it.
My stepmom keeps telling me to come visit her and it bugs me. She's in town all the time to see her kids and doesn't visit me.
I'm planning to go to Bryce Canyon and Zion national park in Utah for a week starting Friday with Victor. (He's been so negative lately I can barely stand to talk to him - all politics or about the border dispute he's having with his neighbor. He listens to too much radio talk show - always has). I'm really hoping this road trip will get me out of my head.
I really hate this illness. If things don't improve soon I may try outpatient. I don't want any more meds. After 10 years of trying, none of them have EVER helped with the depression. Mania yes. Depression no.
I sure could use hugs.
I tried a new med - Latuda that didn't work out and had to go back on resperdal. I have a new pdoc that I think I like. She spent over an hour with me on my first visit with her and I have her cell phone number. The only thing I don't like is that she doesn't take insurance - cash only, but I think it might be worth it.
My stepmom keeps telling me to come visit her and it bugs me. She's in town all the time to see her kids and doesn't visit me.
I'm planning to go to Bryce Canyon and Zion national park in Utah for a week starting Friday with Victor. (He's been so negative lately I can barely stand to talk to him - all politics or about the border dispute he's having with his neighbor. He listens to too much radio talk show - always has). I'm really hoping this road trip will get me out of my head.
I really hate this illness. If things don't improve soon I may try outpatient. I don't want any more meds. After 10 years of trying, none of them have EVER helped with the depression. Mania yes. Depression no.
I sure could use hugs.
Replies
I\'m sorry you\'re hurting so much right now - and that sucks that so many different meds haven\'t worked. I can identify with you about your stepmom, my stepmonster does the same things - well, she treats me like a stranger while she\'s loving (or whatever she calls it) to her own children and daughters-in-law.
I hope getting away is just the ticket! Happy and safe travels - you\'ll have a blast once you escape from life for awhile. BIG HUGS!
I hear ya my meds treat the mania just fine but they all suck for depression. BIG HUGS MMP1!!