no matter what .... he's still my son
A friend of mine posted one of those random life quotes on facebook the other day about how people are afraid to talk to someone about their child who has passed away. I commented that, at least for me, I have always talked about Randy Lee. It's not a reminder to me that he's passed away if you mention him ~ I already know that... I live with that every day. For me, knowing you're tip toeing around his name, memory or fear saying his name will cause me a melt down is more upsetting. I talk about him, I remember him ~ I always will. It won't change if it's been a day, 10 days or 10 years. I'm still his mom, he's still my son. Not talking about him won't ease the pain or change the facts. It's just a silence I don't want in my life.
I've always found comfort in talking about especially good memories. The really nice ones that bring a smile to your face and a warmth to you heart that allow me to be thankful for the time I was blessed to have him in my earthly life. Those bits of memory that make me laugh even now all these years later. Even the sad ones are still part of your life and love.
I would think, unless a person has specifically said "I can't talk about them" that there is a level of comfort they feel knowing their child is remembered.
I love when people share a memory with me about Randy Lee. He had the best sense of humor and a beautiful smile. He had a heart of gold and would literally give a friend the shirt off his back if they need it. He had that innocence about him in some aspects even during those years when I wasn't sure at times he was in that shell that appeared before me. He always had a way of letting me know he was still there ... buried deep inside at times but there none the less.
Up until the very night he passed away he was helping a friend. His friend had now where to stay and Randy invited him in to our home. That was him ... he may have struggled along the way but deep down inside, he was a beautiful person. We may not always agreed ( and we butted heads more than once!) but I truly know he was loved by so many.
I've said it before, I've lost many in my life .... my grandpap & grandma, my dad, step mom, friends .... no one to the degree that losing Randy Lee shook me. There were times that first year ... and some since ... that I truly didn't beleive I could survive it. I would never say I wish I hadn't had him in my life even knowing the end ... I was blessed for 18 years, some good and some tough ... but 18 years I'm thankful for nonetheless. Even the ache that is still with me is a reminder to the degree that I loved him. I'm not sure I ever realized I could love anyone that much.
So, I say celebrate his life ... the happiness .... cry through the sadness ... but always remember the place he held in my life ... and more importantly the spot he holds in my heart.
I've always found comfort in talking about especially good memories. The really nice ones that bring a smile to your face and a warmth to you heart that allow me to be thankful for the time I was blessed to have him in my earthly life. Those bits of memory that make me laugh even now all these years later. Even the sad ones are still part of your life and love.
I would think, unless a person has specifically said "I can't talk about them" that there is a level of comfort they feel knowing their child is remembered.
I love when people share a memory with me about Randy Lee. He had the best sense of humor and a beautiful smile. He had a heart of gold and would literally give a friend the shirt off his back if they need it. He had that innocence about him in some aspects even during those years when I wasn't sure at times he was in that shell that appeared before me. He always had a way of letting me know he was still there ... buried deep inside at times but there none the less.
Up until the very night he passed away he was helping a friend. His friend had now where to stay and Randy invited him in to our home. That was him ... he may have struggled along the way but deep down inside, he was a beautiful person. We may not always agreed ( and we butted heads more than once!) but I truly know he was loved by so many.
I've said it before, I've lost many in my life .... my grandpap & grandma, my dad, step mom, friends .... no one to the degree that losing Randy Lee shook me. There were times that first year ... and some since ... that I truly didn't beleive I could survive it. I would never say I wish I hadn't had him in my life even knowing the end ... I was blessed for 18 years, some good and some tough ... but 18 years I'm thankful for nonetheless. Even the ache that is still with me is a reminder to the degree that I loved him. I'm not sure I ever realized I could love anyone that much.
So, I say celebrate his life ... the happiness .... cry through the sadness ... but always remember the place he held in my life ... and more importantly the spot he holds in my heart.
Replies
I agree...I love it when people talk of Alex...I just think that others are afraid that talking about them \"stirs the pot\" of emotions and they don\'t want to add to our heartache. By posting what you did on facebook, you probably educated so many and they will now feel more comfortable talking to you and probably other moms. Love and gentle hugs...karen
I\'m with you and adore talking about Douglas and never tire of hearing his name or a special memory that someone has about him.
What a giving son your Randy Lee is and to be grateful for those eighteen years is such a gift.
Your reminder to celebrate life is a healing one and to feel it ALL. Happiness, tears, laughter, sadness...
I appreciate your thoughts and most of all learning more about Randy Lee and also how you are feeling on this path. It matters because YOU do.
Heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
Beautifully written dear friend! And I couldn\'t agree more! Say their names! Talk about them! Let me talk and say her name without fear or anxiety! Kala IS and always shall be! Randy Lee IS and always shall be! They ARE our children....not were. I stole a quote here from a mom and put it on a t-shirt with Kala\'s picture....it says....If you mention my child\'s name I may cry, but if you don\'t it will break my heart. So true....oh so true.
Love you!
Love to Randy Lee!
Very well said. RANDY LEE! Love and tight hugs, Sharon
thank you all for the thoughts. Randy Lee\'s birthday is in 12 days and this is always one of those times of year good memories come flooding in. It\'s much easier to find the happy ones vs the sad that surround his angel date.
It\'s so important to hear our child\'s name...for sure! Oh yes the happy memories others share with us is precious to our ears & our hearts.
Hugs of understanding.... Vicki
I love your journey as our children are with us even as we journey on. Vibes of peace coming form Randy Lee!!!!! Hugsxoxoxox Kathy