NO

its waaaaay too early to even go near my ex even if its for picking up my things. I'll either have a friend grab it or I'll just wait a few months but not tomorrow, not on my birthday. I'm gonna do what I want and just fully relax. God knows I need a day to myself to meditate and cleanse my heart and mind. I dont need to be hurting myself for no reason. My heart just wants any excuse to see him and I cant let that happen, I need to be strong and focused. 

besides, I know how he is when someone invades his personal space or tries to communicate with him while he's trying to be in his own world. he turns into a stubborn, selfish idiot who cant speak up and tell people to please back off. I remember telling him constantly to just let me know when he would need time alone but he never would so I would end up hurting him a day or two into his silent time and he would get mad at me.

It was like he just wanted any reason to be angry and start yelling at me.

Fuck him, fuck my heart right now I dont need either of them hurting me like this.