My story

My story. I am a 58 year old woman whose partner of 10 years just left and moved in with another woman. I am currently going through the stages of grief following a breakup. Right now is the sadness and overwhelming loneliness. Crying is intermittent with feeling empty. I know this because I was divorced 18 years ago and went through all this. I don't know if it's easier knowing what I'm feeling is normal or harder since I know how long it takes to get over a breakup.  We met 10 years ago and clicked immediately. Lots of same interests. Since I've been married and was trying to learn from my mistakes - I knew having these interests together was a big plus for me. He had a 6 year old from a second marriage that he was co-raising and had a really bad relationship with that ex. His kids from his first marriage were adults. He had massive financial problems that I wasn't aware of until I was really into the relationship. Then I figured we'd be a team and work it out. The first 4 years were great even with the problems. Then he lost his job and apartment and lived with me on weekends and with his mom during the week. He convinced me to move to a town closer to his son and move in together. By this time we were having financial problems as I was paying both his and my bills. He had no income. I supported him emotionally through several failed job attempts. Then I found out he was dating someone he met on an online site. I think now that he was looking for fun and someone to tell him how great he was. Our conversations revolved around money and compromises. It as the as fun as in the beginning when we could do anything.  I was shattered. He had a lame excuse that I bought back then because I loved him and decided he could stay but move to the guest room. I wanted him to show he was willing to work on our relationship. But looking back I see he never really tried. We slept apart the last 5 years. We'd go in and out of working on things. Of course he now says it is our lack of intimacy that caused him to continue to cheat. Instead of working on us. Although he would always say he loved me and only wanted to be with me. The whole time I'm supporting him and was with him through a major surgery, etc. I bought him a new wardrobe over time,  anything he wanted when he asked. Since Christmas I have been feeling emotionally empty and we finally agreed to go to counciling. It looked like we were really going in the right direction and then I take a trip to visit my folks and he starts moving stuff to his girlfriends. So as I read this I realize I was pretty stupid for the last 5 years. But I really loved him (still do for now) and thought we'd grow old together and we could work it out - especially as I got closer to retirement. We were making plans to visit his son when he goes to college. He was great at acting, I guess. It now looks like he was just biding his time till he found someone to move in with. Now I'm dealing with grief, self esteem issues (why didn't he want me), and crushing loneliness. I haven't been alone in 6 years. I am so looking forward to going to work tomorrow as long as I can keep from crying during the day. And even worse, I work in the same company as his sister-in-law that we saw all the time. So I'll be running into her during the week as she looks at me with a pity look. I know people have it so much worse than me but grief from a failed relationship is hell.