My life is a nightmare

My life is a nightmare that just keeps playing over and over in my head.  Getting the phone call from the hospital, the doctor telling me Gene didn't make it, driving to the hospital, holding Gene's hand one last time, driving home from the hospital in a daze, the dark days, the lonely nights.  It feels like hell on earth.  Unfortunately, it's not a nightmare, it's my reality and my son's.  We are holding on to each other for strength.  I broke down yesterday at work and ended up calling him on the phone.  He is always there for me and I am so grateful to have such a great son.  My grief counselor talked with my doctor today and she wants to see me as soon as possible.  My grief counselor thinks my meds need to be adjusted and I will accept whatever decision the two of them make.  I worry about the long term affects of the meds, but I know that right now it's what I have to do.  Maybe at some point in the future I'll be able to stop taking them, but right now I can't even think about it. I had a better day today then I've had in a long time.  I've felt as though I've been going backwards and not making any progress toward healing.  Crying every morning, falling apart at work, eating too much and sleeping too much.  I need to get walking again, but my mind and body are just too exhausted most days.  I've been trying to put in 7 hour days, and soon hope to be back to work full-time.  My employer has been very understanding but the work load is picking up and I can't afford this part-time much longer.    

Replies

Community LeaderShrn
Shrn

I\'m so sorry for your loss and your pain. I suffered the same and can assure you that what you\'re feeling is normal for grief. You will slowly make it through. On the days you fall down, rest a while, and get back up. Moment by moment we make great strides. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user

My walking has really been a big help, at first I could only walk about 10 minutes but am now back to 30 minutes plus. If all you can handle is walking a block, it\'s a start towards doing something for YOU!
lindalun
lindalun

We have felt your pain and it is normal to feel this way. I understand it because I am going through it right now and it is the worst pain that I have ever felt. We will get through this because at the end of this journey there will be some hope for us. Crying seems to have become our best friend. Take care and God bless you Linda