My final letter to my Husband
I felt compelled to write a final letter to my husband. I wanted to give this to him the day he left my house so cold and unemotional. The day I finally knew it was over for me. I may have lost him a long time ago, but on that day, Saturday November 1st, he lost me. I don't plan on giving this to him just yet and I don't know if I ever will, but my therapist said it was theraputic for me to at least write it. I hope it helps others put closure on their relationship and marriage with their stbx's. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Jeff,Today when you drove away from me and you were so cold and unemotional, leaving me standing there after I practically begged you for one last chance to fix our marriage was the day I knew it was finally over for me. I realized that you were not the man I fell in love with 23 years ago. The past 8 months you have become not only someone I don't even know but someone I don't even like. I realized that I don't want the marriage we've had for the last 10 years. I want the husband I married 20 years ago and you will never be that man again. I loved you more than you will ever be loved again in this lifetime. I stuck by you through thick and thin all these years. Good and bad, I was there. And I would've continued to stay by your side no matter what because I loved you that much. I took care of you when you were sick; I supported you in every decision you made regarding your job; I rooted you on with every tournament you fished over the years; and I shared in your joy with every trophy buck you brought home. I choose to remember the good while you choose to dwell on the bad. I chose to put you and our family first, while you chose to put yourself first. I thought we had the same morals and you don't.I thought we both valued committement above everything else and you didn't. I thought we both believed in til death do us part and for better or worse and you didn't.I thought we both believed and taught our children the meaning of trust and that the TRUTH was always the most important quality in a person and you've blown that completely out of the water. Your lies that I've uncovered make me wonder what else you've lied about and for how long. How would I ever trust you again. How will your children ever trust you again. I only hope and pray that they can trust somebody down the road more than you've proven you can be trusted. You told our daughter that I was not the ideal wife but you are so wrong. Any other woman would have divorced you a long time ago; which I should've done when I realized that I would never be a priority in your life. Any other wife would have caged you in and curbed your hunting and fishing adventures. So the mere fact that you lived as free as any single man, while I took care of everything at home, actually does make me the ideal wife. It doesn't get any better than that. But you'll see that for yourself someday. You may think that the excitement and that euphoric feeling that a new relationship brings makes it all worth while, but when it all fades away and normal life begins, which it will, what will you have then? A relationship that started on the wrong path, in the shadows of your lies, hiding from the truth and knowing all the while that the two of you destroyed a family in the process. You may feel like you've finally won, but the cold hard truth is you've lost so much more than you will ever have again. You will never have the love and connection that we had all these years; you will never share with anyone else what we've shared. We shared the birth of our 2 children - no one else can give you that. We shared bumps and bruises and broken arms and broken hearts with our kids and you will never feel that for someone elses kids. We shared family Thanksgivings for 20 years and Christmas mornings more wonderful than you will ever have again because seeing the joy on your own kids faces is irreplaceable. Your life will never be as good with anyone else because no one can give you what your real family gave you and the kids and I will always be your real family. You can never replace us even if you try.But as of now, as of today, I can move on without any regrets. I gave you and our marriage every chance for reconciliation and I can move on with a clear conscience, can you? Someday I believe you will walk the path of deep regret and it will be too late to repair the damage you have done not only to me but to your children as well. Someday I hope you truly look deep within your soul and realize just how much you really gave up. I am dissappointed in the husband you have become.I am dissappointed in the father you have become.And I am dissappointed in the man you have become.We all are.Goodbye,Chrissy
Replies
I just want to thank everybody who responded to my \"final letter to my husband\". I am overwhelmed with the amount of support you have all offered. It sounds as if many of you have been where I am and many of you are behind me in the process of divorce. My heart goes out to all of you - this is the most painful journey we will ever take and I am looking forward to the day it ends. Hugs to all of you - I can\'t thank you enough. Chrissy
I have to tell you that I sat here crying while I read it! I have said I will write one and hand it to him the day we sign our divorce papers! Mine will say much the same thing! It is a painful, heartbreaking journey without answers, but we will all get through it and move on to bluer skies filled with laughter! I look forward to the day we share happy things rather than heartbreak! As I say that I know there will be more coming into the heartbreak, as we leave it! I wish for peace for all!
Many hugs to you, my friend!!!!
Chrissy,First of all I have to say,I feel for you. I have been there twice with the same man.I actually married him twice thinking I could fix what was broken.But after the second attempt I realized that it wasnt me it was him that needed fixing.These kind of men dont change,no matter how much we wish they would and we cant fix them.My ex-husband still to this day wants me to take him back again to give him yet another chance just because he knows I have moved on and am happy.They always wants what they cant have...when they get it they throw it away..they are NEVER happy.Please stay strong,dont let him hurt you again,you dont deserve it! Go let yourself be happy.Love yourself first,then some day when the time is right you will be happy again.You sound like a strong ,sensible and intelligent woman.I wish you well and will pray for your strength to get thru this,because its very hard ,I know, to go thru this pain.You are not alone.I promise you,in time it does get better.Surround yourself with those who love you and let them help you.Remember,its his loss! He lost a wonderful wife and he will be sorry! Best wishes to you. Jolene
Thank you for sharing your letter with us. It was very powerful and moving. I am going through a similar situation. Your letter gives me hope that I can accept and move on myself. I am sorry you have had to go through this. I wish you all the happiness in the world! :)
You are doing the right thing. Stay strong.
I choose to give this letter to my stbx tonight. I didn\'t do it for him, I did it for me. I wanted him to know how truly disappointed in him I was. It doesn\'t matter if it doesn\'t affect him right now - someday, down the road I know it will and that\'s ok.