My final letter to my Husband
I felt compelled to write a final letter to my husband. I wanted to give this to him the day he left my house so cold and unemotional. The day I finally knew it was over for me. I may have lost him a long time ago, but on that day, Saturday November 1st, he lost me. I don't plan on giving this to him just yet and I don't know if I ever will, but my therapist said it was theraputic for me to at least write it. I hope it helps others put closure on their relationship and marriage with their stbx's. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Jeff,Today when you drove away from me and you were so cold and unemotional, leaving me standing there after I practically begged you for one last chance to fix our marriage was the day I knew it was finally over for me. I realized that you were not the man I fell in love with 23 years ago. The past 8 months you have become not only someone I don't even know but someone I don't even like. I realized that I don't want the marriage we've had for the last 10 years. I want the husband I married 20 years ago and you will never be that man again. I loved you more than you will ever be loved again in this lifetime. I stuck by you through thick and thin all these years. Good and bad, I was there. And I would've continued to stay by your side no matter what because I loved you that much. I took care of you when you were sick; I supported you in every decision you made regarding your job; I rooted you on with every tournament you fished over the years; and I shared in your joy with every trophy buck you brought home. I choose to remember the good while you choose to dwell on the bad. I chose to put you and our family first, while you chose to put yourself first. I thought we had the same morals and you don't.I thought we both valued committement above everything else and you didn't. I thought we both believed in til death do us part and for better or worse and you didn't.I thought we both believed and taught our children the meaning of trust and that the TRUTH was always the most important quality in a person and you've blown that completely out of the water. Your lies that I've uncovered make me wonder what else you've lied about and for how long. How would I ever trust you again. How will your children ever trust you again. I only hope and pray that they can trust somebody down the road more than you've proven you can be trusted. You told our daughter that I was not the ideal wife but you are so wrong. Any other woman would have divorced you a long time ago; which I should've done when I realized that I would never be a priority in your life. Any other wife would have caged you in and curbed your hunting and fishing adventures. So the mere fact that you lived as free as any single man, while I took care of everything at home, actually does make me the ideal wife. It doesn't get any better than that. But you'll see that for yourself someday. You may think that the excitement and that euphoric feeling that a new relationship brings makes it all worth while, but when it all fades away and normal life begins, which it will, what will you have then? A relationship that started on the wrong path, in the shadows of your lies, hiding from the truth and knowing all the while that the two of you destroyed a family in the process. You may feel like you've finally won, but the cold hard truth is you've lost so much more than you will ever have again. You will never have the love and connection that we had all these years; you will never share with anyone else what we've shared. We shared the birth of our 2 children - no one else can give you that. We shared bumps and bruises and broken arms and broken hearts with our kids and you will never feel that for someone elses kids. We shared family Thanksgivings for 20 years and Christmas mornings more wonderful than you will ever have again because seeing the joy on your own kids faces is irreplaceable. Your life will never be as good with anyone else because no one can give you what your real family gave you and the kids and I will always be your real family. You can never replace us even if you try.But as of now, as of today, I can move on without any regrets. I gave you and our marriage every chance for reconciliation and I can move on with a clear conscience, can you? Someday I believe you will walk the path of deep regret and it will be too late to repair the damage you have done not only to me but to your children as well. Someday I hope you truly look deep within your soul and realize just how much you really gave up. I am dissappointed in the husband you have become.I am dissappointed in the father you have become.And I am dissappointed in the man you have become.We all are.Goodbye,Chrissy
Replies
PS great letter mur
Hi there, that letter is for you. If you give it to him he\'ll only throw it in the trash. He won\'t even read it. I\'ve been where your at. HE\"S DONE! He no longer cares what you think or feel. I know it hurts, oh how i know it hurts... took me 5 yrs to stop crying and hurting. When you have given him all you have and he takes it and walks away leaving you an empty shell... it hurts.
Now, cry, throw things, cus, write about it till you get it out cos eventually you will probably try to date again & the new guy will listen then leave. Work it out but don\'t take it into the future with you.
I personally still don\'t trust men to give them my heart, I was abandoned 1993 then divorced 1998.
Lesson learned is NEVER give your all to him cos it\'s his nature to take & use and when your spent he will find someone else. Read the book by Sherry Argov \"Why Men LOVE Bi*tch*es\" the title doesn\'t have the * in it. This book will help you learn about men and help you learn to keep some of you for yourself. It\'s not about being a screaming, demanding, nagging B*. It\'s a different kind of B* that it refers to... a woman who looks out for herself and never forgets that her man will push her buttons, and use her as much as she allows him to. Now put one of his pictures on a board, hang it on the wall & throw darts at it !! One more thing... NEVER beg a man for another chance. He loses all respect for you when you do this. You can say, If you want to talk I\'ll be willing, but that\'s it. Don\'t leave the door open forever. Don\'t contact him. If he\'s interested a man will contact you... it\'s just how they work.
I\'ve talked to men about the teachings of this book and they say the woman who achieves this is their dream girl. They want to be stood up to.
Rick, sorry to say but this : 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [2] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
IS PURE GARBAGE AND GOES COMPLETELY AGAINST HUMAN NATURE.
Great letter, thank you for inspiring me to write my own... not sure if give it or not but probably its better to just burn it. Closure can be obtained without the other person being involved. Thanks a lot Chrissy I am very sorry about what you went through. And I disagree with a few points of view here, love does not endure all things (when it comes to keeping your own dignity) and also \"men\" are all unique, my faith in love will never be destroyed, of sharing myself 100% with another person that gives me that as well. I do not believe you have to be other than yourself to be with a man. You are very loving Chrissy and it takes real guts to start over as you are doing. You inspire me. Hugs!
This letter was so moving and so heart felt that it brought tears to my eyes. I have a friend is is right now as we speak struggling with the same issues you described. I have tried to be a sympathetic ear to her, but don\'t truly understand how she feels because i myself have never gone through the things she has. I have sent her a message encouraging her to read your letter and hope that she will be able to find her way to happiness. Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and so profound. You may have saved a lot of people a great deal of heartache. You are a hero. Jenn
GREAT LETTER!
OMG this is my life...you are living my life Ugh...:(
Well written. It is my life, except gambling instead of fishing.
Junestar - I do not mean to be disrespectful, but your comments seem to be unneccesarily argumentative and abrupt and quite cruel.
Chrissy - Your letter is beautiful and heartfelt, and if it gave you some peace to write it, whether or not you send it. Best wishes to you and this new chapter of your life.
Chrissy, Don\'t kow what I could say that has not been said above. Wow!!! Powerful, well written, dignified, and I wish I could write like you when I grow up. You could have been writting this for me as well. Sitting here with tears and oh so proud of you. Way to go. Be strong and enjoy every moment from here on out even the sad ones. Life is precious and do not waste one more second on him. Hugs to you,
By writing this letter to your husband, you have shown great strength and character. You are a lot stronger than you think. I wish I could have written a letter to my ex-husband 20 years ago. He probably wouldn\'t have read it but I sure would have felt better by expressing my feelings. Keep your feelings alive for yourself and your children, love yourself, respect yourself and enjoy life. Bunches of hugs to you.
Except for the parts about children, we could change the name of the ex to JACK and send it to my EX. Your stbx and my ex could be evil twins. Bravo to you, Chrissy! And just keep the letter and get it out and read it whenever you feel weak or afraid about what your future may hold. Use it as your affirmation of SELF -- that you are much better off alone than with a schlub like your stbx.
Much love,
kathi
I too have written two letters to my spouse. One I felt I was being really pathetic and the other I think is better and I hold on thinking someday I will mail it. It felt good to write but still I have such emotional feelings. I hope time will heel. It does sound like he didnt know how good he has it. It would be really nice if what goes around comes around. I dont know if I believe it but it would be really nice.
Back in 83 i too went through this. when he was six months out of the house and our lives , i have two sons, I prayed to God to take the pain away if this is what is to be. I was blessed with an overwhelming feeling of \"its okay\" and I no longer from that day forward felt the pain of any loss. I moved on. My favorite line to him , my ex.when a reference to another partner in his life was brought up was \"thats your problem now , not mine\". Your letter was so well written and reflects you not looking back. and DONT. When people are in your life it is because you let them in , you let them enjoy you and your wonderfulness and its lucky for them to have you as a friend, always remember that. You are number one, you are important, and all you do is important. What i do , I do because I consider it is God coming through me and giving. Only do what you think God would do as we are his vessels. We take care of HIS children that we bare and we give his love that he gives us. Don;t flaunt the gifts HE gives us cherish them and spread them to others. Put your problems in a bubble and let it float away and cherish the love in your life , your family , friends and all the abilities we are given and be Thankful every day. Things really do happen for a reason and we should never wish for something that shouldn\'t be ours. When I pray I do not ask for selfish things I just say God guide me , love me and I am thankful for your gifts everyday. (and watch for those gifts ......they are given everyday. A child\'s smile, a friends hello, ...a stranger\'s help. Be happy sweetheart , you have blessings and your are blessed. One more thing , when you ask God to take your troubles away, let them go , do not think of them or pull them back as you are pulling back your prayer to God for help and he no longer has it in his hands. Fill your heart with a new day, new life , walk into your home and smile , look at your children and smile and feel love in your heart , in your chest and say THANKS. Kiss and hug your kids, your family , your friends they are whats real and good. Love to you and do not send that letter it is yours, cherish it and keep it filed away.
I walked in your shoes for a long time. I am currently divorced right now. I have written a letter as well but I didn\'t post it. I wrote it and then ripped it up. It did me some good to write the letter. I felt so much better. Even today, he regret at time things happening in our past. We have patched things to where we can at least talk but not get back together. I am far away from that.