My final letter to my Husband
I felt compelled to write a final letter to my husband. I wanted to give this to him the day he left my house so cold and unemotional. The day I finally knew it was over for me. I may have lost him a long time ago, but on that day, Saturday November 1st, he lost me. I don't plan on giving this to him just yet and I don't know if I ever will, but my therapist said it was theraputic for me to at least write it. I hope it helps others put closure on their relationship and marriage with their stbx's. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Jeff,Today when you drove away from me and you were so cold and unemotional, leaving me standing there after I practically begged you for one last chance to fix our marriage was the day I knew it was finally over for me. I realized that you were not the man I fell in love with 23 years ago. The past 8 months you have become not only someone I don't even know but someone I don't even like. I realized that I don't want the marriage we've had for the last 10 years. I want the husband I married 20 years ago and you will never be that man again. I loved you more than you will ever be loved again in this lifetime. I stuck by you through thick and thin all these years. Good and bad, I was there. And I would've continued to stay by your side no matter what because I loved you that much. I took care of you when you were sick; I supported you in every decision you made regarding your job; I rooted you on with every tournament you fished over the years; and I shared in your joy with every trophy buck you brought home. I choose to remember the good while you choose to dwell on the bad. I chose to put you and our family first, while you chose to put yourself first. I thought we had the same morals and you don't.I thought we both valued committement above everything else and you didn't. I thought we both believed in til death do us part and for better or worse and you didn't.I thought we both believed and taught our children the meaning of trust and that the TRUTH was always the most important quality in a person and you've blown that completely out of the water. Your lies that I've uncovered make me wonder what else you've lied about and for how long. How would I ever trust you again. How will your children ever trust you again. I only hope and pray that they can trust somebody down the road more than you've proven you can be trusted. You told our daughter that I was not the ideal wife but you are so wrong. Any other woman would have divorced you a long time ago; which I should've done when I realized that I would never be a priority in your life. Any other wife would have caged you in and curbed your hunting and fishing adventures. So the mere fact that you lived as free as any single man, while I took care of everything at home, actually does make me the ideal wife. It doesn't get any better than that. But you'll see that for yourself someday. You may think that the excitement and that euphoric feeling that a new relationship brings makes it all worth while, but when it all fades away and normal life begins, which it will, what will you have then? A relationship that started on the wrong path, in the shadows of your lies, hiding from the truth and knowing all the while that the two of you destroyed a family in the process. You may feel like you've finally won, but the cold hard truth is you've lost so much more than you will ever have again. You will never have the love and connection that we had all these years; you will never share with anyone else what we've shared. We shared the birth of our 2 children - no one else can give you that. We shared bumps and bruises and broken arms and broken hearts with our kids and you will never feel that for someone elses kids. We shared family Thanksgivings for 20 years and Christmas mornings more wonderful than you will ever have again because seeing the joy on your own kids faces is irreplaceable. Your life will never be as good with anyone else because no one can give you what your real family gave you and the kids and I will always be your real family. You can never replace us even if you try.But as of now, as of today, I can move on without any regrets. I gave you and our marriage every chance for reconciliation and I can move on with a clear conscience, can you? Someday I believe you will walk the path of deep regret and it will be too late to repair the damage you have done not only to me but to your children as well. Someday I hope you truly look deep within your soul and realize just how much you really gave up. I am dissappointed in the husband you have become.I am dissappointed in the father you have become.And I am dissappointed in the man you have become.We all are.Goodbye,Chrissy
Replies
Wow - powerful letter. I am so sorryyou had to write this and wish things could have been better for you!
I have those same feelings but would have never been able to put it to words so well. Sorry you had to write it but hope it helps you to find closure... and yes I do believe they are only thinking of themselves.
I was tearing up while reading your journal. I felt the same way about my relationship and I thought about writing a letter to him but he\'s not worth it. I know you did it for yourself to help you move on and I hope the very best for you. I thought it was so easy for my STBX to move on but after reading your journal, I now know he will suffer. They will never experience what we\'ve experienced. Thank you for allowing me to read your letter. I think I am going to read it one more time.
Bravo! You did such a great job to express your true feeling, being strong, trueful, and with dignity. Hard but a big step on the acceptance stage. I am starting to backslide in my relationship again so I may write mine one also to reread myself at times like this. Thanks for sharing friend!
Brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful, powerful and true. Hope this brought you some peace.
Chrissy,
A powerful and heartfelt letter. Good for you! I wish you strength and happiness.
Great hearfelt letter. Don\'t be surprised if he finds another woman. These men tend to find women that will put up with this stuff just to \"have someone\". A woman deserves so much more than constantly having to give and give, with no reciprocity. Stay steadfast in your choice because you made the right one. Even though things may not feel good (especially over the holidays), you will find a new normal.
Hugs
Wow right from the heart God bless you love Brother Rick
The Way of Love
13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, [1] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [2] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
So sorry, it is better this way you can go on with your life. Life is sooo short make every moment count!! Wish you the best Hugs Tickey
At least you have still your beautiful children and can somehow move on to better things a bit wiser because of the situation. I hope someday he comes to his senses but that will have to be his realization on his own when he feels the emptiness not filled by materialistic and superficial desires. There is nothing like family in the end and what we do for others and the relationships we hold are the fundamentals of having a fulfilling life. Actually, and you may not want to hear this, I feel sorry for people like him as they have none of the things that are valuable such as real love, empathy, kindness, integrity, values and most of all a vision of hope. They are empty souls frantically looking for what they always had along... family and real love. Praying for you.. Liz
Chrissy, I know as close as I can how you feel. I am in a very simular situation. There are hours I don\'t know how I will make it, but my faith kicks in and I know I will because God is my strength. May both of our faith only grow from such a painful event in our lives! My prayers to you for inner strenth and glory days ahead! Leslie
Wow....very well written. It sounds like he had a beautiful thing going and blew it; that\'s what sounds so sad. I have been living almost my whole marriage this way too, lies, infidility, him coming & going as he pleased, while I took care of everything. I wish you great inner peace and strength.
WOW!! good for you to be able to say I am strong, I Will endure, I do have worth. God Bless your day...
I am in tears...very powerful letter...he walked away from one hellva a woman..its his loss and a great one at that!!
Hugs to you
To Chrissy:In1957 my college classmate husband of 10 years left me for another woman.He got involved and i gave him another chance but i think she looked like a :better deal \" financially. Together they made afortune. So be it. I came home to Chicago and reinvented myself. I never said a word to him and put it behind me and am i glad. I remarried,went into business, developed my talents andhad apretty good life until this illness struck a combination of Autonomic Disfunction and Arthritis. This was not a good deal for you. you gave and he took. Stand up straight, get the money in the divorce, forget him he i heartless and if he ever is sorry that he is what he is be glad you are free of him and not heartless. all best mur dont look back