My 31 day reflection

Breath, in and out, in and out. As a compulsive gambler, in recovery, I can't help but think a lot about my behavior over the last several years, going back 10 at least. The times I admitted I was a compulsive gambler, the times I cried, on my knees, cried. The family members I worried, and they worried, the amount of money, and its gross, that I lost. I wouldn't eat for days on end, and this last time around for me, I was beyond reckless, with my funds, my work, my family. When I would come home from being gone for a few days, I would swear, I would never do it again, but I didn't work the program, I didn't reach out for help. Even the therapist I was seeing specifically for gamblers, kind of gave up on me. My gambling history, and self destruction created so much hurt, for the people I love, so much worry, for the people that love me. Created financial hardship, and fear. Fear... Fear, that crippled me, stopped me in my tracks, and didn't allow me to really "see" I am truly an obsessive, sick girl. All these years, I had an excuse, I covered it up, I ran from the truth. Today, I will own it, today, I will feel it, today, I am not placing a bet, I'm not gambling, and I'mlearning, not waiting to exhale. I am sorry for all the people I worried, I hurt. I love you, thank you for allowing me to go through this, without passing judgement on me, thank you for not bailing me out, thank you for taking this recovery journey with me. Exhale. xoxox