Morning
There is nothing like starting your day out on the verge of panic and anxiety to make it seem all worthwhile to waking up...yeah...this is what I live for right...or knowing that you are on your own with it. Is it really so hard to by empathetic even if you have no idea what it feels like?
Waking with a vague sense of the nightmares you were having is hard...but then to look over and realize that you have overslept an hour and ruined any chance of making it to the gym before work...There's the first wave of panic.
What is wrong with me?
Why did I oversleep?
Am I getting sick?
I'm a fucking moron.
Oh yeah...and that asshole snapping at me...that's going to make it all better. Damn i love my life.
Waking with a vague sense of the nightmares you were having is hard...but then to look over and realize that you have overslept an hour and ruined any chance of making it to the gym before work...There's the first wave of panic.
What is wrong with me?
Why did I oversleep?
Am I getting sick?
I'm a fucking moron.
Oh yeah...and that asshole snapping at me...that's going to make it all better. Damn i love my life.
Replies
Nothing is \'wrong\' with you that is not \'wrong\' with all of us. You are human trying to live the best life possible and learning as you go. If you were to look back over time you could see the progress you have made.
You overslept because an \'alarm\' perhaps did not wake you up? Not sure about that one.
You are ill with anxiety and depression but you are a \'fighter\' also and have hung in there working at making your life good. I\'m proud of you and you should be also.
No you are not a moron - fucking or otherwise.
Why is the \'asshole\' snapping at you?
You are a good person truly trying to live the best life possible. I\'m completely stuck in bed with severe disability right now and am often too ill to read journals and I miss updates - it is not because I don\'t care - I do VERY MUCH. It is that I am coping with too much and am now very ill because of it.
Be very good to yourself and anytime you need me just PM as I am so very ill any longer. I don\'t know how much more I can survive but I care very much for you and your well being.
Keep up doing your best. You are talented, caring and have a determination that you can unleash - unleash it and rise up!!!
I\'m rooting for you and thinking about you even when I too ill to keep up with your journal. Just PM if you need a response to anything or encouragement. I\'m here just very ill right now.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
You self assessments are inaccurate. Like bad programming (Windows 7) we can all give ourselves the \"blue screen of death\".
This is all part of your kernel programming...that core of your mentality...that was given to you before age 3.
Dear Freaky Lady,
Maybe understanding where anxiety comes from might help you? Anxiety comes from unresolved fear. What happened in your life that caused you so much fear? Fear that you could not show and was swollowed usually causes anxiety. Some trauma, one that you may not remember as your mind has put up a mental block to protect you. You will have to think long and hard as this incident will probable not be in your waking mind. But this is possible, not easy but possible... Good luck. Eric
and sometimes even when you know the names of your demons....they still haunt you...mostly anyway.