more dreams...

I had a dream about my boyfriend this morning. He was wandering around from city to city with this kid in tow. The kid, from what I can recall, was a young boy, maybe around 10 or so. Most of the time he was black, but sometimes he was Caucasian. I can’t recall the details of the dream, only that he was stuck with this kid. I could tell that my boyfriend kind of loved him, but that he wished he could shake him, wished he didn't have to have him around all the time, even if he was being good. I remember at one point he sent the kid off into a building, I think it was a train station, to go and see about the next place they should go. And while the kid was away my boyfriend was affectionate and sweet toward me. (Whenever the kid was around he was preoccupied.) I didn't realize the symbolism of this dream until after I had been awake for a few minutes. The kid was the broken part of him, the needy part that gets scared, that demands to be taken care of first and foremost, that has tantrums. He takes that kid with him wherever he goes, and that kid is nearby even during the most private and intimate parts of his life. And because he is stuck with this kid forever, he is constantly searching for somewhere that works for the two of them, always hoping that the next place, the next love, will be better, more accepting and nurturing for him and this child.
the ethnicity of the child, which varied from black to white, was really a strong symbol, as well. this part of him only sees in black and white, and the majority of the time the child was black, a race of man that throughout many years of history has been oppressed and has struggled and been treated unjustly. black is also a symbolic color for darkness and obscurity, while white usually represents clarity and all things good.
why did i dream this? is it a reminder of the truth about the one i have chosen to stay with and love? but it's almost like a new realization, like i am creating a metaphor to help myself better understand this man.
the more time i have had apart from him, the more i have learned about his disorder. of course, all this learning and understanding and compassion doesn't mean that it will keep us together. sometimes my memories of him are so upsetting that i wonder if i even want to stay with him. sometimes he still upsets me to this day with how selfish this dream child-appendage of his can be. and then i remember that sometimes there is a part of him that is certifiably insane and can't really be controlled...
i don't know how i got myself into this mess and i'm not really sure that i want to get out of it.