Monsters

The man is there.  He forces the young girl to touch him.  She doesn't want to but he tells her if she doesn't he will make up lies and she will be in trouble.  He tells her if she tells that no one will believe her.  They will think she is just looking for attention and is a spoiled brat.  This man is not the monster. That is where the monster is born. It grows and whispers in her ear. It is a demon.  It tells her that she is bad, dirty, broken.  That no one who knows what she is could love her. 

the girl grows into a woman but the demon's apprentice persists.  Now he tells her if she ever tells it would kill her mother.  He is right.  It would.  The demon still whispers.

The woman meets a young man who asks her to marry.  Surely he will keep the apprentice away.  the apprentice bides his time and waits until the new man is away and still persists in feeding the demon.  the demon still whispers.  He whispers long after the apprentice has moved on.  Moved away.  The apprentice is long gone now but what was born remains. The demon still whispers.

The woman carries the demon for many years.  She tries to ignore the whispers.  She knows the truth.  None of this is her fault. Still, the demon whispers...

You are not good enough... dirty, broken, damaged.

The woman searches for many years to try and rid herself of the demon.  What can she fight with?  She has no sword, no magic, as the heroines of her stories have.  What can she fight with?  She looks down at her chest and sees a blinding light.  She takes the light in her hand.  The light is truth, hope, love.  She opens her hand toward the demon and shines the light toward the demon.  It is warm, blindingly brilliant and the demon hides from it. 

still, the demon whispers.  It hides from the light waiting for any sign of weakness and strikes again.  Some days the woman feels the light waiver.  it dims as the demon whispers in her ear. 

You cannot kill me, it says.  I am with you always.  It waits for some sign that she will give up.

Tonight the woman looks down at the light that has dimmed in her weariness. 

Fuck you demon! she says.  She shines the light on the demon and looks away.  It doesn't matter what you do, she says.  I will keep shining this light or I will die trying and take your ass down with me. 

She calls forth the names of the heroines she wants to be.  Those bad ass bitches that even when they are facing the end, smile and say do your worst. 

Mercedes Thompson

Rylee Adamson

Elena Michaels

Nadia Stafford

Larkspur

Isabel...what is Isabel's last name?  The demon whispers

You are worthless, dirty, broken.  It is why you are alone in this world.

She hears another voice in her head.  It says...just keep fighting child,  It is alright to be weary.

It doesn't matter you fucking bastard, she says as she closed her eyes.  I will fight you til my last breath, even if I walk all my days alone.