Monday Sept 19 2011
Maybe it has been all me all along. Maybe I am the only problem here. He asked me last night what I wanted to do and I had no answer. He asked me what we could do together that I wanted to do and I had no answer. I don't care about anything anymore. There is nothing that I look forward to in this life. I am just broken inside. I have been broken since that day of my first anxiety attack 8 years ago..maybe even before that. broken. I feel like I'm going to be sick.
He's right. all I do is get on the computer or read a book or get on my phone...it's just a different kind of escape from the beer is all.
He's right. all I do is get on the computer or read a book or get on my phone...it's just a different kind of escape from the beer is all.
Replies
I have developed severe PTSD from experiencing a very long term crisis. It has caused \'numbness\' where I can no longer process anymore of the intense pain of it all. For the longest time I was unable to truly feel anything at all. I now experience times of joy and happiness but I still have the numbness when it comes to experiencing the pain of coping with this crisis. I suppose this is how we humans are \'wired\' to survive what would not be survivable otherwise. I\'m not sure about that but I am very thankful I now have moments of joy and happiness along with the numbness to the pain of this Twilight Zone nightmare of a life I am attempting to survive.
Be very gentle with yourself and it may be you also are experiencing a kind of \'numbness\' from some past trauma that is also numbing your ability to experience joy and happiness right now. In time, perhaps, you, like me, will only have the pain numbed and will be allowed to experience joy and happiness again. But the numbness when it first emerged felt so totally strange to me that it was actually very uncomfortable for the longest time. I no longer notice it and am simply so very thankful that it is there to keep the severe pain of surviving this crisis from ending my life.
I think in time you will begin to experience more joy and happiness as you heal from the past traumas.
Gentle ((hugs))
:-) Patricia