monday kickoff.

Sit Ubu Sit. 
Regroup.
Whew.
Sam is coming by in a a couple of hours to work on the computer for me.  I got up, got in the shower......did it all too fast for an unawake struggling bird.  sigh.  an impending visit gave me a happy jolt.....but the actual reaction.....moving fast, showering, dressing.......I feel dizzy, sick to my tummy. 
I have the donation food bags on the counter.  So that's a good deed he can help me with.  He can either drop them off or store them in my car. 
That's right, gonna get past the physical distress.......and focus. 
It was another bad headache early on, I remember turning on a movie from 1954.......and then the world was blank until a half hour ago.  A lot of foolish physical nonsense. 
Stop it Sparrow.  Stop it right now.  Don't let thoughts runaway from you.  Take one thought, carry it to the river, drop it in.........and let it go free.  You had to learn to slow down in other areas of your life, and not only slow down, but mourn them......grieve and learn from it all.
Thoughts and emotions need slowing down and your full attention/respect as well.  It feels like the inside of my brain is a giant planetarium.........the thoughts are as many as the stars........a few more thoughts and then more and you can see meteor showers, comets, stars streaking across the vastness of the night sky.
At other times it feels like a heavy clunky bowling ball, doing little more than putting pressure on an ill equipped neck stem......shoulders.........a giant heavy bowling ball.  so heavy.
There are foggy days, partially cloudy days........days of endless white sky during flares.  We all have to learn to slowly, gently, steadily sort it all out.  Some mental activities from before are no longer for you.  They frustrate, hurt, upset, unnerve...........others are good, soothing, quietly satisfying.......support your journey. 
There is nothing in the universe that says you have to memorize huge passages of Greek and perform them in front of millions.  LOL, nothing that says you have to do brain surgery on anyone ever, or lead the next exploration across Antarctica so lighten your hold on thick ancient tomes.  Nobody is gonna force you to watch anything, read anything, perform anything..........nobody is.  Ease up, relax, re-evaluate your daily life just the way you are.   take it down a notch, don't be hard on yourself.  you're marvelous. 
Let things go.  They won't all fly off at once.  Like a swarm of migrating birds........you have to practice.  One bird, one balloon, one letter to someone to let it out.................one brick, one baseball, one rock at a stack of cheap glass plates to break through old hurts sometimes. 
We may never understand fully our conditions........never fully understand how someone else could have treated or mistreated us in a certain way.  We can slowly and quietly and gently look into the trunk of the whole of our lives and sort it all out.
The heart, the head, the spirit, the essence of you does not demand that you carry it all.  keep it all.......it is just as weary as your soul is.  It simply asks that you keep at it, that you understand how incredible and wonderful you are.
As I was falling asleep last night I thought it would be so silly and completely wonderful to celebrate a week of enchantment........people are magical here......they give hugs, care, support..........kindness....understanding.......because people are enchanting.  why should such a lovely word be limited to fairy tales, princesses and princes?  I say we can all celebrate enchanting people in our lives...........friends here, kind strangers, good samaritans.............when our spirit gets a lift.........when you lift my spirit I am gonna think all week how enchanting and wonderful you are!
put that in your bubble pipe and blow it!!!!!!!!!!
love,love, love,
sparrow